Hello World!
I AM A WORLD RACER.
I have been repeating this to myself all day, everyday for about 2 weeks now and it still just doesn't feel real.
With that being said… some days it hits me that I really am doing this.
Today was one of those days.
I have spent the last week packing my things in boxes and preparing to move.
My mom has recently found a home to rent so that she, my younger brother Justin, and I can live in a house together.
Having lived on my own for 5 years, it will definitely be an adjustment to move back in with my family. Not only have I established a comfort level in my independence, but I have also developed a pretty large personal bubble. I enjoy my peace and quiet, the ability to decide whether I want to pick up after myself, and the luxury of watching tv on the couch whenever I please.
Lugging things from my current cozy/homy apartment to the house across town, has been a physically demanding task in its self…but to my surprise it became a very emotional one as well.
All day, I have been overwhelmed at the idea that I will be living out of a backpack for a year.
I will be moving EVERY MONTH for ELEVEN MONTHS... and to think that moving once a year has been exhausting?
I will truly be living life like a hermit crab, with home on my back. Shifting from one environment to the next.
Boy, will I have my work cut out for me!
I have alot of growing to do.
I look at all my things as I unpack them in the new place and
I wonder:
Will I miss this?
I can easily tell you that I won't miss my things.
When I look at all of my things I think of the hugs I have grown to depend on from my friends, conversations with my mom, laughter with my boyfriend, snuggles with my cat, and the routine of dollar movie nights with my brother and I become overwhelmed.
My trinkets and nick nacks are just reminders of the people that I will miss and the memories that I have made.
That is going to be and has been the hardest part of the whole process of accepting the future that lies ahead of me. I think part of me is struggling with the idea of being so far away for so long… and that is why it doesn't always feel real..
Once these thoughts begin the waterworks start and my heart starts to swell with a bittersweet mixture of sadness and gratitude.
I have a beautiful life, and a beautiful support system and that is what I will miss.
I thank God for this shift in my life to have to let go of my personal bubble… and especially thank him for easing me into it gently. To start that process with family first, then a group of strangers is such a relief.
I thank God the memories I have made, and the comforts that I have experienced in life so far… as I know that I will encounter those that haven't a clue what it is like to waste a day watching movies.
I also thank God that the last 7 years of my life, though challenging and devestating at times, have taught me how to be indepent and cherish the things in my life…
PEOPLE. RELATIONSHIPS. LOVE.
It will be uncomfortable and these growing pains are challenging, but the strength that I am gaining by seeking out the path that I have been called to will reap more reward and humble me more than I can fathom.
For THAT, I am most grateful.
