I am sitting on the floor in the gymnasium of Toccoa Falls Christian College in Georgia, listening to the echoing of excited shrills of laughter, and bubbling conversations between fellow squad mates. I am overwhelmed by the presence of all the new faces, personalities, and future family around me.
What have I gotten myself into?
As I am taking in the scattered conversational buzzing around me, I hear an announcement that we are to pick partners. I look around and find someone I haven’t talked with one on one yet, and wait for further instruction. After a moment of small talk and people assembling two by two, we find out that we are going to do an exercise in prayer with our teammate.
It is explained that God shares messages with us, his children, by way of quiet words in our heart, random images, song lyrics, and/or scripture verses. As I am listening to our squad mentor explain this, my “conscience” shares the word gentleness.
….Weird. Is this God?
I don’t? think so?
I brush off the word and sit down cross-legged across from my partner.
The prayer activity that we will be exercising is to listen to God to speak to us for our partner.
We are then to share what God has put in our heart with them.
Confession: At this moment , I don't know that God has ever audibly spoken to me… especially not on command. I know that I have felt him guide me through “gut instincts” and in scripture readings… but I do not have audible conversations with Him where I can hear His voice like people so often describe in sermons or testimonies.
It is evident at this moment that my teammate and I are nervous, apprehensive, and uncomfortable. These very emotions have come to be like a rock in my shoe this week: frustrating and painful.
I just want to feel peace.
To my surprise, despite the nervousness, I begin sharing with him what has been going on in my head before we even pray with each other.
“ Hey, I don’t know if this means anything to you or if this is even what she is talking about….but my “word” is gentleness. Which I feel weird saying to you, because you are a man.. and well… I know some men would be offended if I told them that God is thankful for their gentleness. So, um, what do you think? How does that make you feel? I’ve never done this… does it sound like something God would tell you?“
And there it is. I have spouted off several difficult questions and am waiting for a response with a rising sense of insecurity and vulnerability in my heart. He doesn’t see this though…as I have become an expert at masking certain inner emotions with casual indifference.
My prayer partner begins to speak:
“ Yes. Actually, I have been thinking about this all week. I struggle with the idea that there is such a skewed perspective of masculinity in the United States, and that as men it is unacceptable for us to have gentleness in our hearts. Thank you. That is really incredible.”
Wait. What?
Almost immediately a rush of joy fills my heart and I feel so comforted.
It feels like God reached down and hugged my heart.
God is speaking through me to bring peace to others!
It is not a coincidence that I am here.
Though my nature may be to pick apart sermons, question the direction of the American Church, and to try to rely on myself instead of God…
I am learning that the Lord delights in me.
I am his daughter, and he is actively pursuing me.
Even when it feels like there is nothing substantial or life changing for me to share with someone, God shows up. He confirms that he is intricately woven into every fiber of our lives, even when we doubt his presence the most.
In what ways does God communicate with you?
Has He ever spoken through you in unexpected moments?
Comment below,
I would love to hear your story. 
