Written on July 28, 2010
Scenario: Your plane has just crashed. Everyone in your group is injured in some way, whether blind or paralyzed or missing an appendage or contaminated. In 15 minutes, your plane will explode, and if you aren’t in the pavilion about a quarter of a mile away by the time it blows, you’re a gonner. If you aren’t through the pathless, uneven forest and up the hill filled with deadly obstacles by the time it bursts into flames, you are toast.
Scenario: Your plane has just crashed. Everyone in your group is injured in some way, whether blind or paralyzed or missing an appendage or contaminated. In 15 minutes, your plane will explode, and if you aren’t in the pavilion about a quarter of a mile away by the time it blows, you’re a gonner. If you aren’t through the pathless, uneven forest and up the hill filled with deadly obstacles by the time it bursts into flames, you are toast.
This was the scenario our Q squad was faced with on Tuesday, and I started out as missing a leg. I had to hop spastically through a forest while leading a blind girl. We were doing great and at the front of the pack until she accidentally hit her leg on an obstacle and lost the function of it. So now, I’m hopping while trying to lead another hopping blind girl going UP HILL. We reach another obstacle and try going around, which we thought was legal but come to find we fell off a cliff and are paralyed too. So, we lay down in the dirt and wait, hoping some soul will come and carry us to safety.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever had to pretend to be paralyzed, but it is AWFUL. You feel so useless. You can’t even use a hand to try and help your rescuer. If I’m not helping, I feel lazy. If I don’t have some control, I feel I’m not contributing. I’ve found if there are time constraints added in, I feel super pressured to finish and reach the goal, and if I can’t help reach that goal, it is paralyzing. As in the plane crash scenario, it is so hard when you can’t offer ANYTHING. The plane was about to blow up, and yet my survival was in the hands of others. I think of myself as strong and tough, and when I’m not in the front and not even able to try to help, it is so hard for me. Tuesday’s group activity was hard for me too. I never knew I could come across as TOO strong. This is something God is going to have to help me with. As Jesus said, “blessed are the poor in spirit.” Blessed are you when you have NOTHING to give. Life isn’t about always having the answer or always being rich in ideas. I need to step back sometimes and LET GO. There are so many things I have been able to let go of this week, particulary a situation that has been keeping me preoccupied this entire year. Freedom needs to come and it will only come if I come realize it is OKAY to sometimes be the one who is paralzed. Sometimes I may be the one guiding, but other times I may be lying on a dirt road baking in the sun with NOTHING to give.
