FEAR.
It is a dirty four letter word that has consumed me most of my life.
Well, you know what I did about THAT over the course of the past several days??
I punched fear RIGHT IN THE FACE!!!
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When I heard that our squad was going to raft the Nile River, I thought NO WAY! I had read a blog about a girl who rafted the Nile during the World Race and saw her life flash before her eyes. She thought she was going to drown!! I did NOT want to come that close to death . . . . not because of rafting. Why take an unneccessary risk? I did NOT want to drown!
Well, when I found out everyone was going, I figured I had better go too. I was VERY scared, but I didn’t want to miss out.
So, on Saturday, our squad headed out to Jinja, Uganda to raft the mighty Nile. Now, I have been rafting before with the family, but that was like a category two or three. THIS was a category five.
Once we arrived at Adrift rafting, we took off our shoes, picked out a life vest, helmet, and oar, chose our teams and headed down a steep and muddy incline to the river.
My team–TEAM MEATBALL!!!
Well, before even reaching the raft, I slipped and tumbled down part of that muddy path. I tried to get back up, but kept sliding down. EVERYONE was laughing!! I wasn’t even to the raft yet, and I was already covered in mud and was bleeding from several places on both of my legs. GREAT! This was looking promising. Who knows what kind of infection I could possibly get from those open cuts!
Once we were in the raft, our guide, Paul, led us through several drills. One of them was practicing a flip on the raft. We all scooted to one side, and after a countdown, we flipped, and the whole raft came down on top of us. After swimming madly out from under the boat, we had to flip the boat again so it was rightside up.
We weren’t even to the rapids yet, and I was TERRIFIED!
When we were all back in the boat, we started to paddle. We could all hear a very loud roar. It was the first rapid. And not only was this the first rapid, it was a level five rapid AND it contained a 16 foot waterfall.
I looked to the shore and DESPERATELY wished I was not here.
Where is the nearest exit????
As we approached the waterfall, I screamed out, “JESUS, SAVE ME!!!!!”
Well, fortunately for me, we didn’t paddle hard enough while approaching the rapid, so we missed the waterfall. THANK GOODNESS!! Everyone was pretty upset about that because you only have one shot to make it or else you miss out on the experience. I, however, was RELIEVED! Hallelujiah!
I’m the one in the yellow helmet and blue shirt near the back of the raft!
We paddled for a bit longer and came to the next rapid.
It was a level four.
Oh, just a level four, I should be fine!!
Well, this rapid was NOT as friendly to me.
We hit a wave sideways and the boat FLIPPED!
I was on the upper side of the raft, and when I saw we were vertical, I FREAKED!!
The guide tried to grab me but could not reach me.
I, along with most on my raft, ended up under the boat. I frantically searched for the outside but could not find it fast enough. When I finally found it, I was breathing all crazy like and choked on some water. You are told to be peaceful when the boat flips and to NOT freak out, but I do not know how that is possible!!
I grabbed onto the boat and held on for dear life.
When we finally got to shore, my legs were so wobbly I could hardly stand. We were also missing three girls from our boat.
No one knew where Cassie was.
My first thought was, SHE MUST BE DEAD!! (Yep, my first inclination is to think the worst!)
But, thankfully she wasn’t.
Luckily, we were ALL okay.
We continued to raft, rapid after rapid, but luckily for me, we did not flip. There was one rapid where almost everyone fell out, but I held on VERY tightly and stayed in the raft.
It had been six rapids since we had last flipped, and we were on to our last and final rapid. Oh please, let us make it through this one safely!! I KNEW our guide would try to flip us but I was sure hoping he would fail.
Well, HE DIDN’T!
We hit a huge wave and were lifted, once again, vertically. This time, I was on the bottom side. Tiffany was rocketed from her side of the raft on top of me, and the whole boat came crashing down on top of me as well. I was under the boat once again!!!
The boat was bouncing up and down in the waves and kept hitting me in the head. I could not get out!!
When I finally got out, the raft was following me, and I was getting hit with wave after wave. I was swallowing water hard and hyperventilating like a maniac. I finally saw a kayak near me and grabbed on. He yelled at me to get off though and swim to a nearby raft. When I made it there, I held on tight.
I was still hyperventilating.
Once we were through the rapids, I, along with Samantha and Cassie floated down the river. I was still breathing hard, but FINALLY felt safe. The rapids were over.
When we finally reached the end of our journey, I could hardly walk. I was emotionally and physically drained. I was just as tired and out of it as I am after a long race!! I was at the last of my nerves for sure!
In two days, the rest of my squad was going bungee jumping but not me!! NO WAY! Not ever. This rafting insanity was enough.
WHAT A DAY!!
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So, two days later, most of us headed back out to Jinja for some bungee jumping. Most were going to jump, and I was going to watch. I had planned to originally stay back and relax but decided to go instead. I WAS JUST GOING TO WATCH!
OR WAS I??
I was starting to wonder if maybe I should do this?
I spent most of the busride talking to Jennilee, and she told me she was doing this to conquer her fear. For her, this was going to be spiritual.
I started to wonder if maybe I needed to do this to conquer fear as well.
Somebody HAD prophesied over me in Kenya about stepping up to an edge and jumping into the unknown.
Well, when we arrived at the bungee location, I had made up my mind. I was going to do this!! Yes, I wavered a bit when everyone was lining up to get weighed and to pay the fee, but I signed up anyways.
My heart was racing.
I thought I was going to vomit?
What in the world was I doing?
JENNY ELLIS DOES NOT DO THIS KIND OF STUFF!!
When it was time for me to make my way up to the tower, I was ever so jittery. I climbed up the many steps with Tiffany and watched as several other teammates made the jump. I danced around and loosened up like I was running a race. Except this was not a race. This was MUCH WORSE!
I was going to jump off a 145 foot tower with merely a towel and strap wrapped around my ankles!
When it was my turn, I walked hesitantly to the chair where they would bind my feet. I sat down, and fear overcame me with such an intensity. My heart started racing even faster, and I started to tear up a bit.
I asked question after question, making sure this was really safe. It turned out no one had ever died at this bungee spot. AND, the two carribeaners around my feet could hold 10,000 pounds in total. I should be safe.
When they were done tying my feet, I was told to hop closer to the edge.
WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING??
I warily started to hop towards the edge . . . . or was it my doom?
When I was fairly close, I had to duck under a cord and grab onto a bar above me. (Yeah, it wasn’t even really a bar. I couldn’t even wrap my fingers around it.)
Once my hands were on the bar, a man helped me waddle forward until my toes were dangling over the edge.
“Don’t look down!!” he said. “Just look ahead!”
I looked out ahead of me, but I could still see below me.
I had to close my eyes!!
“Wave at the camera.”
My eyes were still shut and I gave a half-hearted, fearful wave.
“Wave at everyone else!”
I gave another small wave.
“Now, bring your arms down.”
I did, and I briefly opened my eyes.
As soon as I did, my legs started to wobble crazily. I might fall off the edge before I can even jump!
I quickly shut my eyes again. And, I quickly grabbed back onto the bar.
“Jesus, save me. Jesus, save me.” I kept stammering.
“Are you ready?” a man asked.
“Um, can I do my own countdown first?” I asked, voice trembling.
“Sure.”
I proceeded to countdown from 25, my age, in my head, VERY SLOWLY!
When I finally finished, I stalled a little bit more.
“JESUS, SAVE ME!!!!”
“Do you want us to hold your arms and let go of you so you don’t have to jump?”
“NO. I will jump.” I said, voice still trembling.
All this while, my eyes were still shut.
“Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
“Three . . . two . . . one . . . BUNGEE!!!”
I threw myself belly flop style into the air.
I was falling, falling, falling . . . . .
It wasn’t until the cord whipped me back into the air that I let out an ear piercing scream.
“AAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!”
I opened my eyes and could see the water and the trees swirling around me.
I was spinning like a maniac.
I could hear my squadmates cheering me on.
“YEAH, JENNY!!!!!”
The blood was rushing to my head.
My hands were numb.
HOLY MOLY!!
When I was finally lowered right above the boat, they handed me an oar to grab onto.
I was still quite disoriented, so they pulled me down with their hands instead.
I sprawled myself out on the floor as if I was dead.
They asked me if I was okay and brought me to shore.
When I stepped out of the boat, I was still shaking all over. The men in the boat waited by the shore for some time to make sure I was okay.
I was.
I was still shaking, but I WAS ALIVE!!!
I CONQUERED MY FEAR!!!
I PUNCHED FEAR RIGHT IN THE FACE!!!
I stepped off the ledge into the unknown.
I stepped out, and because I did, my life will never be the same!!
