Vision One:
There is a flower. It doesn’t look the part of a true flower because many of the petals are still closed. However, these petals do not stay closed for long but are pulled back one by one until what is revealed is a BEAUTIFUL flower!
Vision Two:
A cute little butterfly is fluttering around. It flies to and fro, and an onlooker is watching. But, suddenly, this butterfly vanishes. It is nowhere to be seen. “Where is the butterfly?” this onlooker wonders. Then, this viewer, she sees some rocks being pulled up one by one. Finally, out from under the rocks comes a BIG and BEAUTIFUL and STRONG butterfly. It is no longer little and cute, but is like, “BAM! Here I am! I’m a BUTTERFLY!” The watcher then notices a tall tower made up of the same rocks that had covered the butterfly. It is a glorious tower!!
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A couple of weeks ago, I shared my testimony with my new all-girls team. I revealed so much about myself to them, speaking in depth on my numerous trials and victories, and by the end, EVERYONE was beaming. Even several minutes later, Amy was still smiling. It was crazy! It was clear that my story had brought FREEDOM, and that is amazing because FREEDOM is what we want to define us as a team. After my testimony, they all decided to lay hands on me and pray for me to close the night, and when they did, two of them had a vision. Let’s just say, this is not something uncommon for several of the girls on my new team! But anyways, Amy had the first vision and Carmen the second.
In the first, Amy saw me as the flower. She said that God is setting me free little by litte, pulling back petal by petal, and when all the petals are pulled back, it will be a truly beautiful sight. I still have many petals closed though. I have so much more I need to be released from, which I know to be true. I am still closed up and need to be opened so the most beautiful Jenny possible can be seen. (The funny thing is, the next day, a yellow piece of paper blew her way, and on it, someone had drawn a picture of the flower she had seen in her vision.)
In the second vision, Carmen saw the butterfly as me. She said the rocks were like my struggles, but they were eventually built into something beautiful. They were eventually built into something that brought glory to God. Through the struggles, I found my identity and became an AMAZING creature. My trials transformed me from being cute and fragile into being beautiful and strong. She said that I came forth from the struggles with confidence, knowing who I was and whose I was. “BAM, I am JENNY ELLIS!”
These visions may seem simple, but they really have stuck with me. Before leaving for this race, I wanted to use my time to glorify God, and throughout my life, I have earnestly wanted to reach people for Christ. BUT, although this is true, I often wonder, was I more of that cute, little butterfly or the beautiful, strong butterfly? Am I more of the closed flower or the flower that has been fully opened and transformed by God’s love? I don’t want to just flutter and look cute and innocent and sweet, but I want to soar in full confidence of who God has made me. I want to return home and have the people say, WOW, is that REALLY Jenny? I want to shine for Christ. I don’t want to be hindered by insecurities and fears and lay crushed under a pile of struggles. I want to push through with God’s help and “come forth as gold.”
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” -I Peter 5:10
“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith–of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire–may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” -I Peter 1:6-7
“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” -Job 23:10
During the past two weeks, I have been having a rollercoaster of a time. I will have an amazing day where I share Christ in huge ways and just feel so free and alive, but then I will have a day immediately following where I fall into pitying myself and believing Satan’s lies, lies like “you aren’t as of good a preacher as her,” “you aren’t as good of a singer as her,” “more people came forward in her sermon than yours,” “you aren’t as pretty as her,” “you are gaining too much weight,” “no one wants to listen to you,” “your teammates don’t like you,” “you will never fit in,” etc. Many of these are really silly, and I should KNOW not to listen, but the fact that I am listening proves that fear is still hindering me in a way it shouldn’t. I WANT TO BE SET FREE!!!!!! I want to push through my troubles with my eyes fixed on Christ, not on the Devil, who is the father of lies and the ultimate deceiver. I want to “come forth as gold” of the purest kind. I want to point to Christ, whether through the hard times of through the good times.
If you could pray for me, that would be MUCH appreciated. Pray I would be able to fight off the lies I am hearing. They ARE NOT from God. At times, I just feel like a mess inside, and I just need prayer that I could LET GO of whatever I need to let go of. Pray I would be bold and strong and confident in who God made me. Pray I would be transformed.
I know many of you want to hear about what I am doing in my ministries, but once again, it is more what God is doing in my heart. My one hope and prayer is that whatever I write would bring glory to God!!! Keep letting Him work in your life, and when you do, you will point the world to Him!
