Oh…how do I put into words what I feel about the end of our month in Malaysia? Complete and utter joy…that’s a start!
Malaysia was rough. Really rough. From the heaviness and oppression we felt as soon as we stepped foot in the Malaysian airport on that first day and the hours, upon hours spent in the car to the constant moving from ministry to ministry and the enormous amount of spiritual warfare…it was definitely a struggle for me and my team alike.
I’ve been trying for awhile to write a blog about my time in Malaysia, but I’ve found it extremely difficult to write about something that I’m so un-passionate about. In Malaysia, evangelizing, or sharing your Christian faith in any way, with a Muslim is highly illegal and the punishment is prison or worse. This limited our ministry drastically considering that a massive percentage of the population is Muslim. For Malays, it is illegal, according to the king, to convert to any religion outside of the Muslim religion. This was frustrating because every time I spoke to a new stranger anywhere, I had to watch very closely what was coming out of my mouth. Unless they mentioned anything about God first, I was unable to share that part of me. I had to keep a constant filter in my head, deciphering what was good or bad to say at any given moment to any given person. This was just the beginning!
There was still ministry to be done there. We worked with about 8 different churches: giving sermons, testimonies and speaking to the youth about missions. On one specific Sunday, we were given the opportunity to completely lead worship. We grabbed their instruments and went to it. I learned how to play the bongos in a day and Tricia learned the drums. It was an incredible victory for us and something that pushed us even farther into stepping into the role of worshippers and following God through the uncertainty and uncomfortableness.
We worked in 2 different orphanages. We sat down with the kids, taught them a bunch of new worship songs, painted the interior walls, and helped out at a carnival to raise money for one of the orphanages.
We stayed for 1 week with one of the top spiritual warfare guys in the country of Malaysia. He taught us about demonology and how to turn to God when powers that are not from God come in our direction. It was an intense week of stepping into warfare and fighting exhaustion. By this point, we hadn’t had any rest at all.
I came down with a bad cough and felt absolutely terrible for the last 2 weeks in Malaysia. It was really difficult to stay motivated through feeling bad, constantly meeting new people and turning back around to leave, and through the spiritual oppression that was so strong there.
For the last week, we stayed at a church in the heart of Kuala Lumpur. We did several prayer walks around the area and walked through the red light district and around Buddhist, Muslim and Hindu temples. We walked by an apartment building that was known for deaths and suicides. We walked through the festival of Deepavali where idols were being sold right next to pictures of Jesus. We were led through slums, past homeless men and within areas of extreme demon possession. And we prayed…
Everything that we had dealt with over the few weeks before this had prepared us to fight with prayer. We laid a foundation there for the gospel to begin to be shared with others in the heart of Kuala Lumpur.
Throughout the course of the month, we weren’t really free to make any decisions about what we needed or wanted. I know that this trip has been all about God stripping me of my comforts. But what we encountered and fought with was not what I expected.
The people we were with everyday felt the need to buy us extravagant meals and feed us until we couldn’t move. For them, it was their way of blessing us. For us, it was difficult to accept. It was like we were put on pedestals and lifted higher because we chose to leave our families.
It was hard to be treated so well. That sounds so weird when I type it out…
We met so many super wealthy families we went to lunch or dinner with, only to say goodbye and never see them again. It was difficult to meet new people several times per day and never get to know them on a relational level. It was surfacey and…just difficult.
Needless to say, when we flew out on Saturday, I was ready to move on. Even with all the ministries we worked with, it’s hard to look back and see that we did much of anything. I’ve always tended to see ministry as a time when you connect in a personal way to those you’re there to minister to. Without those relational connections to those in Malaysia, it’s been difficult to see that the material type things we did really even ministered to others.
We were told on the last day that several churches had called our contact to say that we inspired them to step into Gods calling in their lives. With a sentence, we saw the fruit of our labor. We didn’t get to see lives changed. We’ve just heard that it happened and we have to rest in it, knowing that God’s word will not return void. I’ve gotta have faith that God did speak through us and that lives were changed forever.
I learned SO much through Malaysia. I’ve learned that expectations are still present in me even when I try not to have any expectations. I’ve learned that God STILL sits on the throne regardless of how I feel or how I perceive life. I’ve learned even more that God’s plans are not my plans and that we won’t always agree with contacts. I’ve learned that through so many small distractions at once, I lose focus of God and that I’m here for His purposes. I’ve learned, with total opposition on my part, that ministry can be done without getting to personally know who you’re ministering to. I wouldn’t recommend it, but God is sovereign to use what you’ve given of yourself when you’re simply doing what He’s asked of you. I’ve learned that I have a voice that needs to come out and that when I get super exhausted, I put up major walls, focus on my own comfort and hurt my relationships in the process.
I’ve learned that without laying down my life constantly to God, I lose focus of Him and rely on myself to be fulfilled but what I think will make me happy. I’ve learned that when I’m spiritually attacked and exhausted from fighting the attacks, my body suffers.
I’ve been reminded that, once again, God still sits on His throne above all of Heaven and Earth. He knows all, sees all and can be found in all things. He reigns above all, even my insecurities, fears and self-important attitudes.
Malaysia was growth, battles and more of me accepting God’s place on the throne and not me on my own imaginary pedestal. It was intense and exhausting. I’ve never spent so much time driving in a car going to the next biggest mall or the next best restaurant. I’ve never been so exhausted.
I’ve also never seen God the way I can see Him now and I’ve never seen my identity in Him more than in what I do.
So here’s to Malaysia… It was good to meet you…but I’m SO excited to move onto the next thing! I never really got to know your people or develop relationships with them…and because of that, it doesn’t hurt to say goodbye, turn around, and walk away…just like I had to do all month long with everyone I met. I’m grateful for the opportunity and the growth, but more excited to see what’s on the other side of Malaysia…Thailand!!
