I know God has begun to prepare me for what is coming up soon. Everywhere I look, He’s been there. Every moment I’m awake, He’s been there. At every moment of every day lately, it’s been as if He’s been right next to me pointing out every little thing that’s He’s placed in its spot precisely for that moment. I’ve had the incredible blessing of speaking to person upon person about His grace and mercy and justice and wrath and love…and what He truly desires from us…
It’s been supremely humbling…knowing that I in no way deserve what He offers me, yet He freely gives…and because I’ve opened myself up to all He’s been showing me, I’ve opened myself up to a totally new life that I never expected for myself! Things bother me now that I never thought twice about…now, if I do something as simple as give a weird look to someone, even if unintentional…it’s like conviction comes. God’s like “would I ever treat you like that? what gives you the right to look at your brother/sister like that?”
I have so far to go! I’m so far from perfect (of course!) and in so many instances, my pride still tries to creep in and take over how I’m living my life. My flesh battles so badly with the Spirit in me. I feel it now more than ever before!
So, now that I’ve got all of that out of the way…and I’m not even sure if it makes sense!…this brings me to my point. God keeps convicting me of the things my flesh wants that I cater to. Everything from not walking away from gossip at work to picking up a piece of trash in front of me that someone else drops. Honestly, a lot of it is simple “stupid” stuff that I very rarely ever noticed. Where am I spending my time and how am I spending it? Am I going to church to worship Him only to leave and get mad at someone for the smallest little thing. Do I blame others and get angry for things that are set in place to protect…and protect me? Do I have a week full of stress, school, and no sleep and treat others badly because “I’m just super tired?”
The answer is a simple yes…and that SUCKS!! These are things I do daily…little things of life that we look past as if they’re smaller sins so they don’t really matter that much. If we’re having a stressful day and get an attitude with someone because it doesn’t make our lives any easier or benefit us…that’s BAD! And this is ME!
I will never have it totally right, I’ll never do everything perfect…my flesh will always try to creep up in the smallest things and get me to focus on me instead of bringing glory to God in all I do. We don’t have good days and bad days of sin…every day is a battle…we can choose to follow our flesh and fulfill the things we want or we can choose God’s spirit and turn to the things that bring Him the glory…to those things that take the spotlight off of ourselves and, instead, put it back on Him!
Because He deserves all of our praise and worship and reverence and every minute of our day…every thought in our mind…every beat of our heart…every breath in our lungs!
He gives me breath and He decides when my last breath will be…how dare I use a single breath uttering things that He would never say…talking about others or things that are not glorifying to Him…
I’m so convicted! But…
With conviction, comes freedom! When I can see myself for who I am and, more importantly, see God for who He is, my mind is brought back to Him. My eyes can see Him clearly because of the grace and mercy He’s poured on me…the worst of the worst…the hypocrite…
Because of that, I can praise Him…my sin doesn’t keep me from praising…it pushes me to revere Him all the more!!! Had it not been for Him dying for my sins, small AND big, and RAISING from the grave, defeating anything and everything that will ever come against those He loves…had it not been for that…and the choice to open my eyes and see myself for who I really am…His power and glory would be nothing to me.
But He opened my eyes and He continues to every day. I find it amazing that when I’m brought back down to where I am instead of on my own self-made pedestal…where we, as humans, see ourselves as weak and vulnerable…those are the times when I see Him move more than ever. Those are the times when I see with my own eyes how He continues to live…His power continues to move…He continues to move among us!
I want to praise…I’m tired…I’ve barely slept in a week…I could go to bed…but I have this passion, this nudging to PRAISE!! To get down on my knees and seek Him with everything I have in me…this calling to intercede…to speak for those who are unable and to see for those who are blind…He IS bigger than anything we could ever ask, seek, or imagine! That’s who I serve…that’s the God I praise…I fail, yet His wrath was poured out on Christ…for my sins yesterday, today and tomorrow…He’s my savior…He’s the lamb who came out with a mighty ROAR and a step that broke the earth in 2! He’s my king, my commander! He’s the only one on earth who deserves my praise….not me, not man…it’s HIM.
I can’t keep quiet…I can’t sleep…I won’t keep quiet! If I don’t praise Him, the stones will cry out!
I can’t hide it or act like it’s not there…I won’t…He deserves everything back that He’s given to me…my breath, my heart, my mind, my hands…my praise…and that is what I’ll do
Because if I don’t do it, I might just burst…truly!
