It’s not unusual for me to go through a day, right now, and
think about the fact that this past year has literally seemed like a dream. It
seems like just yesterday, I was boarding a plane from St. Louis and flying to
LAX to meet up with the Q. I was terrified of stepping onto that plane and
leaving everything I’d ever known. I wasn’t sure what to expect or even how to
go about it…but I trusted that God knew what He was doing with me.
So I stepped out of all of my discomforts, my fears and my
insecurities…and I left the states.
Fast forward 11 months…and now I’m about to return back to
the states.
As terrifying as it was to leave everything, I’m just as
terrified to return.
Once again, I don’t know where I’m going or what I’ll be
doing. Most everything is uncertain besides the fact that my family and friends
love me and that I have a couch, lots of food, my cat, hugs and love waiting
for me. Beyond the first few days of being home, I don’t even know what to
expect…but I guess that’s why we’re taught to have no expectations.
Anyway, now I’m just rambling! It’s hard to keep my thoughts
straight when there’s so stinkin’ many of them!
Last week, we got word that a new squad would be heading to
Bucharest for their launch. We jumped at the chance for an amazing opportunity
to meet up with the super fresh, new squad…X Squad!
This being our last month on the field and preparing to head
back to the states…and on top of that, having alot of down time this month…I’ve
had a lot of time to process the changing of seasons in my life. The World Race
is ending, but this new, incredible season is starting. In the process of
thinking over the past 11 months, I began to doubt just how much I’d actually
witnessed and how much I’d actually grown and changed.
And then, we met X Squad…
Amazing, called, women and men of God…ready and willing to
go out and serve despite that fear, discomfort and uncertainty that I mentioned
up there -^-
They took me back to my first days on the race…when I was so
nervous that I wasn’t sure where to go or what to do unless someone told me. I
didn’t understand feedback or vulnerability or being fluid. I questioned my
sanity when I decided to sign up for the trip…and then when I went to camp…and
then when I boarded the first plane…then the second…then the third…and so on.
They showed me one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever
been at in my life. This incredible balance of trusting and fearing…stepping
out but wanting with everything to hold back…being vulnerable just by simply “being”
yet wanting to run away super fast and far. Fighting every urge to back up and
go in the opposite direction…yet staying.
Putting God’s plans before your own…not because it’s
convenient or because it feels good or even because it’s easy…
But because you’re serving a God so much bigger and wiser
than you and you understand that His plans are greater than yours.
They took me back to how I was…and who I am now.
And it amazed me.
I’m not who I was.
And I can’t go back to that person.
So, if you’re expecting me to simply be Jennilee when I get
back…drop your expectations…that’s the first rule for the World Race…it’ll be
good for you to drop your expectations of who I am right now and just see it
for yourself. J
And it showed me who they are…X Squad.
Sold out…ready…doubtful, yet willing…fearful, yet excited…obedient…willing
to lay down their lives for the gospel…my brothers and sisters.
So as nervous as I am to return back home, I remember where I came from…and I take strength from the newbies…they’re walking where I already have…and I’m about to walk back through where they just came from.
I can do this because I already did it once…and because they just did it.
I can’t wait to see how their race begins. As mine comes to
a close, they will continue where we started…harvesting the seeds we planted
and watering the fields where we’ve visited.
So as two roads meet, they’ve diverged once again. We’re
Ending…they’re beginning. They’re on the ride of a lifetime that will last for
the rest of their Earthly lives!
X Squad…BRING THE KINGDOM!!
