This month has been hard physically with the cold, but it also has been difficult emotionally and spiritually for a couple of reason.
This month, every time I was asked if I wanted to share at church or the prison or wherever else I felt like I was asked with expectation that I would. That really bugged me. My story is not any better than anyone else’s so why the pressure? When I couldn’t take it anymore I shared with the team how I felt like I had to do and was given no choice based on how I was asked. Truth was spoken into me and I was told that I am more than my story. I had the mindset that I had to share my story whenever I spoke. But they reminded me that I can share/speak on anything. Looking back now, I’m thinking- duh, of course I can share on other thing besides that specific story. There are so many other passages in the Bible that God has been teaching me about that I could share.
Loneliness is something I felt last month and it continues this month. I didn’t know what to do with it or how to response to it. My squad does an excellent job of keeping me in the loop, but I can still miss a lot of what’s going on and it makes me feel lonely and forgotten. How do I deal with it? I started thinking about how Jesus must of have been lonely on earth. I mean, He was the only one not sinning. He left His home in heaven and surrounded Himself with those who sinned daily. I learned that loneliness isn’t necessary a bad thing. It’s how we response to it. I have a choice whenever I’m lonely. I can either let Satan use it to make me feel discouraged, alone, unwanted, forgotten and unloved. Or I can go to God and seek comfort from Him and listen to Him.
1 Timothy 5:5 She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.
I’m not a widow and not living alone but this verse can apply to everyone who is alone physically and is feeling emotionally and spiritually alone. This woman chose to seek God and be comforted by Him in her loneliness. It has been difficult to resist the negative feelings and it’s still a working progress. But one night, when I was feeling lonely and inadequate I went outside and stood in the dark looking at the vast beauty of the stars and I just started praying and singing. I could feel God wrapping His arms around me. It was so comforting standing in God’s presence and He gave me the biggest most beautiful shooting star I have ever seen. I was reminded that I’m not forgotten and that God knows. He knows everything and He has a plan. And if I knew what that plan was I would probably run away from it. It’s still a daily struggle and sometimes I’m just done with it. But God still reminds me in little ways that He is at work and I need only to set my hopes in Him.
