We were asked to write a blog about how we felt before leaving on this mission trip. Here is what I’m expecting…
Matthew 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
I expect to LOSE!
I sit here, taking the time to think about this and trying to figure out how to keep things simple and clear. But the truth is, things aren’t. There is a mound of emotions within me, all fighting for their chance to be expressed. I know that my step forward means leaving things behind. Change is coming, drastic change, and that isn’t always easy to face. I say that with such excitement and nervousness at the same time, if that is possible. You see, each time I sit down to journal my thoughts, they change.
Even today, internally I feel like a battle is taking place. I returned from a wonderful sister weekend with Jess. We had an incredible time just enjoying each other’s company, caring for each other, laughing, talking, and continuing to build the already strong relationship we have. And this morning after such a great weekend, I am full of anxiousness knowing I will leave her, wondering what that means for our relationship, and a bit timid about letting go of the security I find in her and those around me. But I know it must change. I must let go and lose that security in those close to me and finally place it in Christ, the one asking me to trust Him. Not only with my own life and heart, but with those I love as well.
I expect to lose what keeps me from God. I expect to lose my pride, plans, desires, blinders, self.
I expect to lose and GOD to WIN!
