Today I caught myself doing some calculations, trying to figure out how many years it’d be before I’d have a career, a living, so I could provide for another person and sign the adoption forms.
This person I call little J. She is 4 years old. She’s a beautiful little Indian girl. She has those big, bright Indian eyes you simply can’t ignore. And in just a few short weeks, I’ve grown to love her as if she were my own. I don’t want to leave her.
Then, I remember I’m here in Malaysia only for a month. I leave in a few days. And the reality is I will leave her.
It’s hard. It makes me a little sick to my stomach–that I get to leave, knowing my mom, dad, brothers, and sister are waiting for me at home, while she stays here at the orphanage, not knowing who, if anyone, will come back for her. And in two days, I will be up early, off to Thailand before she wakes up that morning, on a northbound train headed thousands of miles away. I will leave.
But I’m banking my hope in the God who will not leave her— the God who promises His children: I will never leave you, never forsake you.
I had no expectations coming into Malaysia. In my mind, it was just the month before Thailand. That was it. But to my surprise it quickly became the month that would leave me with the hardest goodbyes.
To put some of this into context, if you knew anything about me before the Race, I was the person who cared little for anyone outside of my immediate family. I was a very cold person, master at always keeping myself at a distance whenever there was the slightest chance of a person becoming someone important in my life. I justified this knowing that people often can come in and out of your life without any forewarning or notice. I, personally, was great at this.
I knew it was selfish. I knew that because of Christ’s love in me, I was an overflowing cup of that same love and that I had a responsibility to share His love with others. I knew this, but I didn’t know how to go about it. Besides, it was easy keeping a distance.
I did not, however, come on the Race for easy. I came asking for the difficult things, praying that God would keep me in the uncomfortable places. And I’m humbled and so thankful to see how He’s answered that prayer. Now, here I am, with month 6 in the books, feeling like a part of me was left behind in Malaysia. I look back to the start of the Race and am in awe seeing just how the LORD has changed my heart to love—and in the process, allowed me to share with a bright, brown-eyed little Indian girl even a tiny glimpse into His great love for us.
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! 1 John 3:1
