Here’s a little something I’m learning this month.
It’s all related to a piece of paper a teammate gave me back in July in Thailand. On it was written three little words, “It’s very simple”. I looked at it; I put it down; I continued writing the blog I was working on. I picked it up, looked at it, and stared at the wall thinking. I thought about what it could mean. When I couldn’t figure it out on my own, I tracked down the author of the note and asked her for more. She told me that as she was praying for me, she got this picture of me walking and praying and searching and searching trying to figure something out. And God was saying “It’s very simple, but you’re over-thinking it.”
Now it’s been two months and I haven’t stopped thinking about that note, praying for an answer, for clarification, anything to hint towards its meaning. And God has been silent. That is, up until this past week. There were things I wanted to think about, that being one of them, so I went to the beach and walked along the shore. About 2 hours later I found myself praying, walking in a circular track I’d carved out with my pacing, and meditating on Scripture. One of the things I’d gone down to the beach to think about was related to death and life. My teammate, Matt, had led a bible study that morning on Deuteronomy 31:14-32:52, which started a discussion on the purpose of death. It seems like it’d have an obvious answer, but think about it. Why do we die? And more importantly in my mind, why do some people die in random accidents when other people die peacefully in old age? And why do some people meet brutal, gut-wrenching ends and others go in their youth? What is the purpose of each death? These are the questions I was asking; and after Matt’s response, I came to this: Does death make life sweeter?
Would we appreciate our life as much if we knew death wasn’t in the cards for us? If God is the God of good and evil – meaning He is in control of both – than why did the Holocaust occur? And why did the Khmer Rouge massacre its own people? And why did the genocides in Rwanda and Darfur take place?
So here I was pondering all of these questions and asking God for answers when it dawned on me. What I’m doing right now is exactly what my teammate saw two months ago. I’m walking in circles on the beach trying to figure out what it is she saw me trying to figure out. Ironic? I want my faith to make sense, to have answers, to be simple. And God is telling me it is very simple. Just be still and stop over-thinking it.
I still haven’t figured out the purpose of evil and brutality, but God may show me someday. He wants me to learn what He’s teaching me now and not focus on the things I have yet to discover. I am where God wants me; in my life, in my faith, in my relationships. And I can finally stop striving for more.I will rest in that.
