Training Camp – finally!

WARNING: This is SUPER LONG! I was going to break it up into separate blogs but it’s been so long since training camp that I’m just putting it all into one. So read at your own discretion. Take breaks, read it in chunks… whatever you want to do. I separated it into sections for “easier” viewing, so yea… ENJOY! 🙂

This was written after training camp (May 22nd to the 30th 2010 in Georgia) and finished up just recently:

I’m finally sitting down to blog about the amazingness that was TRAINING
CAMP a few weeks back. So much happened during those 8 incredible days
in the woods; it’s slightly overwhelming to attempt to convey it all.
But alas, here I am… and I’m going to try. (I gotta do this in parts
though or else I know I’m going to lose people.)

1. “QUICK” SUMMARY

As a recap – I’m just going to say that I
experienced God in new and intimate ways; I was touched by the presence
of the Holy Spirit; I began to experience truth instead of simply
knowing it; I formed intimate relationships with people I had just met; I
experienced Christian community the way it was intended to be; I saw
God in His beautiful Creation; I lived outside among the creatures of
this earth (boy are there a lot of them!); I tried new cultural foods
and ate every last bite – even some of other people’s as well; I laughed
with my teammates to the point of crying on multiple occasions (and my
abs are feeling it as well); I stayed up way too late and woke up way
too early – just to spend some more time with my new family; I snorted –
a lot; I cried – a lot; I prayed, worshiped, and prophesied; I saw the
Living God at work – healing people and offering true freedom; I gained
a deeper understanding of other cultures and people groups; I became
ignited with the fire of Christ to spread His true hope, light, and LOVE
to His people around the world; and I began to deeply long to see the
Kingdom come. I was challenged, frustrated, and angered, yet also
experienced the fruits of the Spirit to incredible degrees as well. JOY,
hope, PEACE, and love were abounding. Training was only eight days and
yet it felt like eight months. Even now I feel a certain “culture shock”
coming back to civilization and am longing to be back with my teammates
in less than favorable conditions. God is transforming me already. If
this is how I feel after eight “short” days of training, I can’t imagine
who I’m going to be after 11 months around the world. 🙂 (p.s. I just
noticed that “quick recap” wasn’t as quick as I thought it would be. I
have a lot to say, as you can tell.)

2. MICHAEL HINDES – Shrinking our world

The first night we got
to training I was literally hit with the humidity. I wasn’t even moving
and sweat was beading up from my pores (well, that was on the
un-airconditionated bus on the ride from the airport to camp. Welcome to
Georgia… it was awesome.) I set up my tent (aka my new home) outside,
was slightly in shock that I was actually there, and then the training
began. The first few days were focused on us – aka the goal was to
shrink our world and focus solely on our relationship with the Lord.
Michael Hindes, the Director of The World Race and a wise, passionate
man for Jesus, did most of the speaking during this time. He spoke on
topics such as inner healing, living by the Spirit and not the law,
forgiveness, reconciliation, soul ties, prophecy, etc. He is definitely a
gifted speaker and his words pierced right to my soul. A lot of what he
taught on I had already heard about… but for some reason in this
place, at this time, with these people, presented in this way, there was
a special anointing on the messages. Instead of just hearing the
teachings I started experiencing them. There was a point when Michael
said that we need to be running after God, because He is running
after us. That image of God our Father, our Daddy, literally RUNNING
to us hit me hard. I just started weeping. (Now I don’t consider myself
an overly emotional person. But I was crying at almost every session
because the Spirit was breaking down my walls and speaking directly to
my heart. It was incredible.)

3. WORSHIP with Jonathan David Helser

We were blessed with the
presence of Jonathan David Helser and his band for worship the first few
nights (they’re so legit… check them out! I’m actually listening to
them right now.) This man is on fire for the Lord; it was amazing to
witness the depths of his intimacy with Jesus. His songs breathed the
Spirit of LIFE into us. Worship would go on for hours at a time and feel
like minutes because the presence of the Spirit would just overwhelm
and envelop us. One night the whole group got completely fired up and
were praising His name like never before – people jumping up and down
and shouting His glory for hours on end. Our God truly is WORTHY to be
praised!

Sometimes Jonathan would just stop singing and share a piece of his
heart. One of the first nights he shared a dream he had a few years back
where he was standing on the shore of an ocean and saw Jesus in the
water. Jesus wasn’t speaking; He simply had His hand raised and was
beckoning him to come into the water. Jonathan said he looked back
towards the shore and saw a massive group of young people with their
eyes focused on Jesus. He started walking towards the Lord but every
time he took a step, Jesus walked a little farther out into the water.
Finally Jesus dove under and continued to beckon him to come. Jonathan
said it was like He was saying, “Come into the depths of my love with
me. My love is an endless ocean; a bottomless sea.” Jonathan wrote
the song “Endless Ocean” from this dream and after he shared it with us
he began to sing. I was wrecked. I think I truly started experiencing
God’s love for me during this time instead of just knowing it. There are
no limits to our Daddy’s love for us – and nothing we can do will ever
change how He feels for His children. What an incredible gift.

4. BIG QUESTIONS – and Andrew’s death

I slightly felt like a roller coaster during the week. I was
experiencing true joy and intimacy with the Lord… and yet at the same
time I was deeply struggling with some big questions of faith (which
have always plagued me – sometimes more than others). One of my pastors
(Andrew) died from colon cancer the Thursday before camp began (only two
days prior). Andrew was an incredible man. He left his wife, Val
(another pastor at our church), three young boys (Sam, Stephen, and
Mark), his parents, Chuck and Marianne (two other pastors at the
Vineyard), and hundreds of others who loved him deeply. People had been
praying and fasting intensively for healing for him for two years during
his illness. Big names of faith (such as Heidi Baker) had prayed over
him multiple times. He had gone to healing rooms, healing retreats,
everything. But now he’s gone.

It just brought back all of these big questions I’ve wrestled (like
Jacob in the Bible) with God about in the past. WHY God? Why did you
take Andrew? You said you were the Great Healer, that we would do
“greater things than these” in your Name. People have been praying for
years. Some received visions that he would survive and live a long life.
Were they mistaken? Why do you decide to heal sometimes and not others?
Why do you divinely intervene in some situations but not all? Why is
there inconsistency? Why Jesus?

I found myself becoming all-consumed with these questions. I wanted
to fully praise and fully trust – but I found myself holding back. I was
sick of making excuses for God. I wanted answers.

One of the
staff members shared a testimony during the week about how his friend
had been fully healed from cancer. While I was deeply thankful to hear
that, it sent me down the same roller coaster once more. Why him and not
Andrew? God literally forced me to go talk to this staff member right
after that testimony and I simply broke down. I think it was good to
actually cry about it… to sob really. I could not control myself. I
needed to grieve. I needed to get it all out, and so often I think I
just try to be strong and stay focused, and therefore stay emotionless.
Sometimes I don’t allow myself to FEEL anymore. But I need to feel. I
need to experience. I need to be free.

Jimmy (the staff member) had some good insight into my questions…
but ultimately, it came down to, “I don’t know why this stuff
happens. But we need to decide to trust in a God we know is faithful and
good.” I think it was comforting just to know that a staff and
leader I respect with much more experience and wisdom than me still
doesn’t know. Sometimes I feel like people avoid these big questions;
maybe it’s because they don’t even want to question, they have it all
figured out, or they’ve come to a place of peace in knowing that we’ll
never know.

I don’t want to doubt God. I don’t want to be cynical or
angry. But I do want to push forward in Him. I don’t want to simply be
complacent… I want to run after Him. Sometimes I just question my
motives – am I trying to learn more about God through this (good) or
prove Him wrong in some way/ catch Him in a contradiction (bad). I don’t
know. I need grace in walking the fine line between questioning (which
is good – Jesus even says so in Luke 8 – the disciples gained the
“secret of the kingdom” by asking questions to understand the parable of
the seeds) and doubting. There’s a humble reverence that comes from
knowing that if God was a God we could fully understand, He wouldn’t be a
very big God. We are finite; He is infinite. There are some things we
just aren’t going to get in this life… and I need to be ok with that.

I understand there’s sin and evil in the world and because of free
will we have all been given the ability to choose good or evil; we often
choose evil and therefore consequences fall on us, our generations, and
our world. But I have also seen God miraculously heal people, and
that’s where the confusion and frustration come in. Sometimes it
happens, and sometimes it doesn’t. Despite all of that though, I just
need to trust. 

Ultimately, Jesus conquered the grave. It is only through death that
there’s resurrection and true life. What we see now is not all we see;
God’s full plan is continuously being revealed. The Kingdom of God is
here and now… but also NOT YET. When Lazarus died (even though he was
raised from the dead), “Jesus wept” (John 11:35). Jesus feels with us;
He cries with us; He is there in our pain. Heck – He was crucified on a
cross for US. He’s been there; He knows what it’s like. We are all going
to die at some point; but there is HOPE for resurrected LIFE in Him.
Even though God is all powerful, all loving, has the ability to heal,
and wants to heal… it still doesn’t always happen in this life. Andrew
has been fully healed and is walking with Jesus now. Some of us would
have preferred that happen in this life – but God did it in the next. I
don’t understand His plan in all of this… but I have to trust that He
is a good God, a loving Father, and that He ultimately has it all under
control.

I had to duel it out with God – and I think I still am to some
degree. But I think God is ok with that. He wants relationship with us
more than anything else… and I think He wants to bring us to a place
where a relationship with Him is ENOUGH. I had a deeper realization of
this during worship one night. I was kinda yelling at God – just being
real with where I was at – and I kept saying, “I just want answers God, I
just want answers… I don’t understand.” I was pretty frustrated and
this went on for a good amount of time. But finally the Spirit came and I
felt this peace come over me; my guard dropped and then it just hit me.
“I want YOU more than the answers,” I whispered. It was a beautiful
realization.

Another sweet realization occurred when I told one of my squad
leaders, Jenny Brown, about what was going on. Amazingly, she used to
attend the Boston Vineyard awhile back, she knows a couple who go there
now, and her Christian community in DC had been praying for Andrew (even
though they didn’t know him). As I sat on a bench in Georgia, pouring
my heart out to Jenny and realizing she and so many others had been
praying for Andrew this whole time, it just felt like God was saying,
“I’ve got this.” Whether we understand or not, He is a good Dad.

5. HOPE for HEALING

You’d think that me being kinda angry with
God about the lack of healing I saw in Andrew’s situation would turn me
off of the whole healing thing in general. But again, God has a way of
turning things around in the craziest ways. Even though I don’t fully
understand healing – when it will happen and when it will not – I feel
like that’s an area that God is calling me deeper into. Go figure.

Months before training I was talking to my mom and she said she had
been praying for me; she had this vision that God was going to use me as
a great healer around the world. She continued having similar visions
and was always really excited to tell me about it, even though I didn’t
know quite what to make of it. At training after I poured my heart out
to Jimmy – the staff member who had shared his testimony about cancer –
he prayed for me. He took my hands and prayed that they would be hands
of healing around the world. That really hit me. Later that week we were
practicing prophecy over one another (simply encouraging,
strengthening, and comforting one another in Christ and trying to hear
His voice), and a girl prayed the same thing over my hands – that they
would be hands of healing to those in need. She had her eyes closed –
she didn’t even know who I was.

During training we found out that a girl on the field (Lindsey) was
unconscious from spinal malaria and a stomach infection. We all prayed
with passion for full healing for her – believing it would be done in
Jesus’ name. The next day she woke up and was talking with her
teammates.

Another teammate had banged up his hand pretty badly in an exercise
during training. I prayed for healing over it… and in the morning it
was almost completely better.

Yet another teammate was struggling
with being sick after coming home. He had very little energy and needed
to get things done. I prayed for him that night and the next morning he
awoke feeling almost completely better with a surge of unexplainable
energy.

For some reason – even though healing is a
sensitive and unknown area for me right now – I feel very compelled to
pray for it on every occasion I get. Honestly, this does not make sense
to me – and it is only by the grace of God that I can still have faith
in true and full healing. But I do. That is honestly an incredible
testimony right there. I have no idea what God is going to do with me
this year or how He’s going to use me in the realm of healing. But here I
am – arms open wide – ready and willing to do His work. I am so
thankful for the peace and optimism He has given me about this…
because I am surely in a different place now than I was only a week
ago. 

I have always believed that without challenges there would be no
growth, and God likes to use our biggest struggles as our biggest
ministry tools. He takes what Satan intended for harm and turns it into
good – and that’s true REDEMPTION right there. It is only by going
through these depths of pain in our lives that we will be able to fully
minister to others going through the same pain down the road. It is
through the valleys that we get to the mountaintops. There is sweet LIFE
after death. Praise God for that.

6. TEAM BUILDING EXERCISES – and a taste of Survivor!

The second
part of the week moved into a period of getting to know our squad mates
better and allowing the staff to discern who would work well together
as teams. They were looking to put us with people we connected with, but
also wanted us to be challenged to grow during the year as well. We did
a bunch of activities with various “experimental” groups and honestly,
this whole process was a little overwhelming. I felt like I was always being
watched (cause I was, lol) and I just wanted to find out who my team was. One of my
teammates had to remind me of Matthew 6… “do not worry”… and I tried
to keep that close to my heart.
 

We heard about things approximately two minutes before they happened at camp. I
think AIM was trying to build our dependence on the Lord and allow us
to continue releasing expectations. We were forced to fully trust when
we didn’t know what was going on… which was actually rather
freeing. 🙂 So one day at camp one of the staff members gets up and
says, “Ok guys – you have 20 minutes; you and another person need to
pack all your stuff into one backpack for an indeterminate period of
time. You will be sleeping outside with no shelter – but don’t bring
your tents. You’ll need to make a fire when you get there and you’ll be
hiking for awhile… so wear closed-toe shoes. Ok, GO!”

I was ecstatic
after hearing this – I LOVE adventures and I felt like I was on
Survivor! We ended up hiking for awhile and then having to canoe across
to an island where we stayed for the night. I was a canoe taxi driver
and kept shuttling people from the mainland to the island, which was
awesome. (I was grateful for the times I spent in Maine growing up on
the lake for this reason!) We had a blast… we chilled, cooked up some
dinner on the fire, went for a night swim, and slept under the stars in
the dirt with mosquitoes, spiders, tics, and other insects. Quite the
adventure. 🙂

Another day the girls and boys split
up and we had separate gender “retreats.” The women were given a
simulation of an airplane crash and the goal of getting all of our
members from the field to the pavilion (which was a little less than a
quarter mile apart). But there were stipulations: some women were left
unconscious from the crash, others were missing one or both legs, others
were missing one or both arms, some were blind, some were “contagious”
so if they touched anyone else they’d go unconscious, etc. It was pretty
intense. We were forced to carry and lead each other (in all of our
disabilities) up this trail to “safety.” It was amazing to see how girls
stepped it up and beasted it out. I had no legs and therefore could not
carry anyone (which was kinda frustrating for me), but instead had to
be carried. I did the wheelbarrow for a bit, along with an array of
other methods. Ultimately, we all worked together and “saved” each
other’s lives before the airplane blew up and cannibals came to eat us.
Lol. Good times. 🙂

7. TEAM JUBILEE!! We love JOY… and Jesus!

After days of trying
out different groups and talking with staff, our teams and team leaders
were decided. WOO!! A deep wave of peace washed over me as I found out
who my new family would be for the year. 🙂

Honestly, I am in love with my team. I think it’s absolutely
incredible how God has divinely put us together; our unique talents and
giftings complement each other so well and I can already see us coming
to LIFE as God is uniting us as a family in Him. It’s beautiful. Aly
Beeler is our team leader (woo woo!), and then we have Tyler Thompson,
Justin Jue, Brittany Priess, Tracy Hagar, Carin Cownden, and myself (so
there’s 7 of us total). I could go on and on about these faith warriors
and their incredible, INCREDIBLE giftings in Jesus… but I’m sure
you’ll hear more about that later! (Check out their blogs too!!)

After we found out our teams we were able to take a trip off site
(woo!), “make a memory”, and come up with a team name. We obviously went
to TARGET and went nuts stocking up on snacks… it was like we hadn’t
seen civilization in a year (cause that’s how long training felt). We were trying to come up with some names, were
debating on a few, when Carin suddenly suggested JUBILEE!! We all
instantly fell in love with it and it was incredible to hear how
everyone truly resonated with the name.

Different verses, prophecies,
tattoos, and experiences with the Lord all pointed to how JOY had been a
pivotal and influential piece of all our lives. The way Jesus united us
in that moment was divine… I just felt continual waves of the Spirit
as confirmation as people spoke and shared their hearts and pieces of
their story. So yea… I’m just a little excited about what God is going
to do in and through us all this year. YAY for Team JUBILEE! 🙂

8. Dying to our EXPECTATIONS

The first night there we did an exercise (with torches, it was pretty
cool) where we talked about our expectations and how we basically need
to DROP THEM. All of them. We may have come into training with
expectations about what our race route will look like, what type of
ministry we’ll be doing, who will be on our team, and how we’re going to
grow in our relationship with the Lord over the year… just to name a
few. We talked about surrendering it all and trusting that GOD has it
under control, whether it looks like how we envisioned it in our heads
or not (and it will most likely look different.) But that’s a good
thing… we want to take God out of the box we’ve put Him in. He’s
beyond what we could ask or imagine… and He has great plans for His
kids. 🙂

The next morning, after we dropped all our expectations, we found out
that our race route had indeed changed! Haha… I actually found that a
little amusing. But I really wasn’t disappointed, cause I truly believe
that God has His hand on all of this. We were originally supposed to be
going to Israel and Egypt (which I was super excited about… don’t get
me wrong) but because of some logistical, political, and safety
precautions we will no longer be going to those two countries. Instead
we’ll be traveling to Central America at the end of the race and
potentially going to Nicaragua and Guatemala, but we’re not quite sure
yet. (Things tend to change often.) 🙂 I love Spanish and am super
excited about the opportunity to serve in a few Spanish-speaking
countries… so yea. IT’S ALL GOOD! 🙂

(Oh yea, and we’re not going to
Ireland until month three now because there’s a big Christian conference
there at the end of August called The Awakening that we’ll be
attending, along with all the other World Race teams on the field right
now and a bunch of alumni as well. I’m so excited! Oh yea, and Jonathan David Helser is doing worship there too. SWEEEET!)

Our new “TENTATIVE” race route looks like: Romania, Ukraine, Ireland,
Kenya, Uganda, ATL (“Ask the Lord”) Africa, Thailand, Cambodia, ATL
Asia, Guatemala, and Nicaragua.

We also talked about adopting a mindset of FLUIDITY during the race and
beyond. We all know that traveling requires a hefty dose of flexibility
(especially on a trip like this) since things never quite go as planned
(which actually make for the best stories… do it for the story!), but
even when you’re flexible things can still metaphorically “break”. So
therefore becoming FLUID is moving one step beyond being flexible – it
allows you to move with ease through any situation and simply trust that
we’re in the hands of our Father. 🙂 (So don’t be surprised if I use
this term again… I’m not over-hydrated or anything, haha).

9. EXPANDING our WORLD – bringing the Kingdom to Earth!

The last part of the week we moved into a period of stepping outside
ourselves and looking at the world in a broader sense. We did some
interesting activities and simulations in order to place ourselves in
other cultures and simply taste a small piece of what others experience
every day. We did a remote tribal/ missionary game and also an
underground church simulation in “China” (a closed country). I won’t go
into a lot of detail here cause I don’t want to ruin it for anyone who
might go on the race in the future (you know you want to!), but I’ll
just say that it was an intense, humbling, and eye-opening
experience to say the least.

Another part of training was learning how to cope with the cultural food
differences in other countries as well. We’re going to be eating some
pretty diverse meals these next 11 months and we were told that we need
to eat what is placed in front of us. It is extremely disrespectful in
other cultures to not eat what is prepared for you (especially in the
homes of host families) because most often one of their family members
is not eating so you can be fed. In order to prepare for these
situations we tried many different types of cultural dishes throughout
training and were challenged to consume it all. Some days were harder
than others, but we came out triumphantly in the end!

Each day had a different continental theme and the meals went along with
that, so we had Europe day, Africa day, Asia day, Central America day,
etc. One of the highlights was Asia day: breakfast consisted of a soup
that looked pretty harmless at first, until you started digging around
and finding hidden “treasures” in the depths of the bowl. It was
basically a mixture of water, white rice, a bunch of cilantro, and
ANCHOVIES! That’s right – little fish (whole ones) swimming around in my
soup. Now for someone who doesn’t like seafood of any kind… this was
definitely a challenge for me.

I just sat there looking at my bowl and
everyone else around me, wondering how in the world I was going to get
this down without having it come right back up. Finally one of my
squadmates, Andrea, and I decided to have a chugging contest to see who
could consume the whole bowl first – we thought the speed of consumption
and competition would help. So we did it. My adrenaline was pumping but
we took our bowls and chugged the whole thing. At the end I saw one
last little fish head in the bottom of my bowl that I must have missed;
without thinking I picked it up, popped it in my mouth, and swallowed as
quickly as I could. VICTORY! I tried not to think about the anchovie
burps I was having for the rest of the day… I was just glad I got it
down. Phew! That’s one way to get you going in the morning! 🙂

Another “favorite” dish among the squad was something called “ugali” on
Africa day. It’s an
African staple and it basically has the consistency of grits, just a bit
more congealed. There’s almost no taste to it so it takes on the flavor
of whatever it’s in and you eat it with your hands – sweet. It wasn’t
horrible, but it was hard to get so much of it down at once… they sure
piled it on all day! I’m excited about what’s to come in
these next countries… more stories and adventures to tell about I’m
sure!

10. FEEDBACK with our team – yay for LIFE and PRUNING!

Something else that was introduced to us at training was the environment/ lifestyle of giving and receiving “FEEDBACK.” (We renamed it “milk and cookies” but I think we’re in the process of coming up with yet another name… the LIVING Room maybe? We’ll see how long that sticks.) 🙂 Feedback happens every night and basically provides a space for us to debrief the day, speak LIFE & ENCOURAGEMENT into one another, and also call out things in our teammates that God might want to work on a bit. It’s a safe place where we’re called to be real, open, and honest and also LOVE on and build each other up in various ways. It’s been a HUGE blessing so far and I’m really excited about
how this is going to play out throughout the year; many people have said
that the most growth they’ve had on the race has come from living in close community. Woo!

Living in such close quarters with near strangers in new environments while trying to be fluid is bound to stir up some “stuff.” However, I believe that without challenges there would be no growth, and I think living in this type of Christian COMMUNITY is going to allow us all to grow immensely and be molded more into the likeness of Christ. Yay! I’ve also experienced that with a little conflict, greater intimacy can be formed in relationships (as long as true reconciliation occurs). (I’m writing this after month one of the race and we haven’t had anything come up yet… but I believe when it does we’ll be made stronger because of it. I LOVE MY TEAM! I am so grateful for them!!)

We also have this thing called the “24-hour rule” on
the race which means that if an issue arises with a teammate on the
field, we have 24 hours to talk to them and work it out. I love this.
It’s how I’ve always tried to live my life at home – but to hear the staff at training
thoroughly speak about it and highlight its importance just made me
smile. This stuff works! It’s all about communication, reconciliation,
and then redemption!

We found out our teams on Friday (JUBILEE what what!) so we had two nights to practice
feedback/ “milk and cookies”/ the living room time. The first night was simply beautiful (well both
nights were actually!) I think our team took the longest each time
because we just had so much goodness to speak into each other. We went
around and encouraged one another, highlighted truth, and pointed out
the ways God has uniquely gifted each member. One of our teammates (Carin)
actually went around and washed all of our feet the first night because
she felt like God had told her to do so. I was deeply, deeply touched
and silenced by this act of service. I cannot believe I’m going to be serving
alongside these warriors of faith for the next year; I have so much to
learn.

Another one of my teammates (Tyler) has an intense ability to speak right
into your soul; it’s as if Jesus is speaking to you when he opens his
mouth. He said that I have a sensitivity to the Spirit that he hasn’t
seen in most people and that this will be a true gift to the team on
the field. I just started crying. His words pierced right into me. We
prayed at the end of it all and I started crying again… in gratitude
for where God has placed me.

I can’t fully express how grateful I am for
the ability to participate in this trip and for being able to work with
such a talented, gifted, anointed, sacrificial, and loving group of
people.

I experienced Christian community the way it was intended to
be… and that was after night ONE of being together. I cannot even
imagine the work God is going to do in and through us throughout the
year. One of the WR staff members was speaking about community in a
session and they said that when a community is healthy and functioning
properly… the KINGDOM will just break out around the world.

I CANNOT
WAIT to see this happen. 🙂

Thanks for reading everyone! I LOVE YOU ALL!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

Oh, and now enjoy a video of our team (JUBILEE) introducing ourselves at training and explaining some of the significance behind the name. 🙂