Sometimes I ask myself… am I truly living a life of faith? What
am I doing right now that requires complete trust, confidence in, and reliance
on the Lord? What am I doing that I cannot do on my own? In what area of my
life is it true that if God doesn’t show up, I’m screwed? Well, I’ve been
asking myself this question for a few months (especially after reading the book
“Crazy Love� by Francis Chan. It really messed me up… in a good way. You should
read it.) 🙂
Coming back to America has brought with it traces of the oh so
familiar independent, self-sufficient, “I can do it on my own, thanks God�
mindset. But I want to be dependent on the Lord. I want to be desperate for Him. I want to live a life that
truly requires a leap of faith. Because I want to experience the power,
provision, and faithfulness of the Lord instead of trying to take control of my
life and do it on my own. I want His highest for my life, and that will only
come through utmost surrender to His will.
Let me rewind a little bit here and let you in on a bit of
my thought process. A few months before the World Race ended I was intentionally
and persistently asking the Lord what He had next. I generally like to have a
plan for my life. 🙂 So after much prayer I came up with a 1.5 year plan. 🙂 I
was going to head home, work at FFF (Food, Friends and Fun – a summer feeding
program for inner-city kids) this summer, lead a Real Life trip with AIM in the
fall (hopefully to Thailand), lead another Real Life trip in the spring or go
back to Honduras to work with the ministry and the street boys I fell in love
with there, and then work at FFF again the following summer. A year and a half
all planned out… check! I generally tend to add the caveat that this is my plan
and if God wants to change it, He of course is able to do so. I usually like to
think that my plans will actually come to fruition… but alas, God never fails to
“reassemble� them. Fear not, that’s a good thing. I promise. I would wayyy
rather follow the Lord’s plan for my life than my own. 🙂
So recently, God has divinely called me to a new season. A
new step. A new form of surrender. He’s called me to move to Gainesville for
six months and then move to Thailand… for a year and a half. He’s called me to
be part of the Thailand Initiative (don’t worry, I’ll explain more about this
soon).
As I’ve been reflecting on this upcoming season I’ve become
extremely aware of the areas I’m lacking. I cannot do this. I do not have these
skills. I can’t speak Thai. I can’t raise this much money. I don’t have a background in business. Or agriculture. I have no idea what I’m doing.
I’ve realized that my prayer for the
last few months is actually coming to fruition. This is what taking a step of
faith looks like. If God doesn’t show up here… I’m screwed. But how awesome is
it going to be when HE DOES… and ALL the glory and honor will go to HIM?! Yes!
This is going to be an insane testimony of just how good, how faithful, how
awesome our God truly is.
The Lord is made
strong in our weakness. He covers our inabilities with His infinite provision.
He doesn’t call the qualified; He qualifies the called.
So this is where I find myself. Called and unable. Relying
on the Lord. Surrendering it all to Him. Realizing my weakness and trusting in
His strength. He will make a way where there seems to be no way. Praise God for
that!
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive
it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland� (Isaiah
43:19).
