Note: This blog is really long. You can do it!
“For
God so LOVED the
world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not
perish but have eternal life� (John 3:16).
This
is probably one of the most well-known and widely used verses in all of
scripture; but do we really get it? I can’t count the number of times I’ve
heard the phrase, “Jesus loves you,� and yet I’m still learning how to let that
knowledge sink down from my head and actually touch my heart. I was blessed to
grow up in the church and hear about the Lord’s love from a very young age (and
have that love modeled by my parents), but for some reason it just became
another phrase. “Jesus loves you, Jenny.� Yea,
yea… I know that. But really… do I? Do you?
The
World Race has been an incredible journey so far; I can’t believe we’re already
half-way done. It feels like a complete time warp on the field – there are days
I feel like I just left the States yesterday and days I feel like I’ve been
gone for years. The Lord has been growing and teaching me in ways I never
thought possible. He’s been bringing up roots of issues in my life I never knew
existed until now, but praise God He doesn’t leave us where we’re at. Stuff has
to come up in order for healing and redemption to occur – so for that I’m
grateful.
LOVE
has been the underlying theme in many of the Lord’s lessons in my heart thus
far, and yet I know I’m far from understanding it all. Good thing Jesus is
patient with us and life is more about the journey than the destination. Love
is the basis of our faith. God loved us enough to send His only son to die on a cross
to redeem the world and to be in relationship with each one of us. That’s legit
love. That’s revolutionary. That’s radical. That’s our GOD.
I
believe the deepest desire of the human heart is to be loved. We all long to be
desired, pursued, noticed, and in relationship. Why? Because that’s how we were
created. God created us with that desire and ultimately our souls will not find
rest until we rest in Him. So often we look in other places for love,
affirmation, and attention. Some of us find our worth in materialism – the
“stuffâ€� of this world. Others of us find it in relationships – the need to be
desired by another. But ultimately, if we are seeking the type of love that
only God can bring in other places, we are settling for second best and we will
never fully be satisfied. No matter where we turn, the deepest desire of our
human hearts will retain a void until we find, experience, and rest in the
infinite, endless, and passionate love of our heavenly Father.
This
makes sense, right… we’ve heard this stuff before. But what does it really mean?
How do we live in a way that reflects our understanding – our true
understanding – of the Lord’s limitless love for us? How do we find intimacy in
our relationship with Him? How can we experience that the Lord’s love is
enough, and MORE than enough?
It
seems easier to settle for what the world has to offer because we can clearly
see people, feel their touch, and hear their voices. It’s nice to be held,
hugged, embraced, and hear the words, “I love you.� These aren’t necessarily
bad things… God can often speak through people and show His love to us through
others; I don’t want to stray to the other end of the spectrum to say that we
should never seek to be loved by anyone else. Love is a beautiful thing and a true gift from the Lord – something
He allows us to experience from Him and then share with each other and the
world. What an honor. But my question is, where do we find our identity? Where
do we seek our worth? What is our priority? Do we look to the world to tell us
who we are, or do we look to the Lord? The things of this world – the thoughts,
opinions, and words of people – are ever-changing and will ultimately all fade
away. But the words of the LORD are timeless, consistent, and true. What does
HE say about us? What does HE think about us? That’s what I want to cling to;
that’s what I want to seek. “Set your
minds on things above, not on earthly things� (Col. 3:2).
I
never realized how steeped in the cares of the world I was until coming on this
trip. I act like I care more about what people think of me than about what God
thinks of me (fear of man vs. fear of God = no good). For so long I’ve been looking to people (men
specifically) to fulfill the longings of my heart to be noticed, affirmed, and
loved.
I have been in a lot of relationships and have almost subconsciously been
seeking my joy and affection from others instead of from Jesus. Ouch, that’s a
harsh realization. The Lord is revealing this brokenness in my heart and
allowing me to catch myself in those thought patterns, mindsets, and actions;
instead of clinging to what the world says, He is allowing me to understand and
experience what HE says. “All beautiful
you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you� (Song of Songs 4:7).
Sometimes
it feels like a constant battle to choose His words over the world’s; I’ve
simply been operating out of a different place for so much of my life. But
thank God, He’s gentle, compassionate, and patient with me and is slowly
revealing the straight and narrow path that is ultimately best for my heart.
“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the
knowledge of God, and we take captive
every thought to make it obedient to Christ� (2 Corin. 10:5).
At
times I find myself daydreaming and putting my hope in things other than the
Lord. I’m not gonna lie, I think about the future a lot and would like to get
married someday. But recently Jesus has been stopping me in even those thoughts
and whispering His truth into my ear instead. “Put your hope in ME. I’m not some far-off man that you’re waiting to
meet someday. I’m here, available, and will love you deeper than anyone in this
world ever can.� He’s the best bridegroom in all of eternity and we are His
bride. The Lord truly delights in us and desires for us to delight in Him as
well. Sometimes we just need to open up our spiritual eyes and understand that
Christ is literally running towards us with open arms, simply waiting for us to
receive His embrace. “But now, Lord,
what do I look for? My hope is in you�
(Psalm 39:7).
Who
knows if the Lord has someone for me in the future. I have no idea. But
regardless, I need to be fully, completely, and utterly satisfied in His love
and affection for me. Jesus is enough…
MORE than enough! I need to find rest, wholeness, and completeness in HIM
and Him alone. He IS the end goal; He IS the prize; He IS the reward.
To
be honest, some of this stuff is hard to confess; these are intimate pieces of
my heart and places I’ve wandered away from the obvious love of my Savior. His
love has been there all along and yet in many of my actions throughout my life,
I have chosen to put His love on the back-burner and seek my worth,
affirmation, and affection elsewhere. This is brokenness. This could cause
shame. But these are the things Jesus brought me on this trip for (among other
reasons) to reveal to me in order to heal me and set my heart free.
I
feel like I learn new lessons about receiving freedom from this mindset every
day. We were preparing for ministry a few days ago and we knew we’d be speaking
to a women’s group from the church; I had been praying about our time there and
asking the Lord if He had a word He wanted me to share. I felt pretty strongly
that He wanted me to talk about all of this: HIS LOVE for us and how I have
often strayed from that in my life. I began preparing what I was going to say
when suddenly fear struck me. Oh man,
what are these people going to think of me? How are they going to view me when
they see my brokenness? What are they going to think about the ways I’ve
strayed from the Lord’s love and sought it elsewhere, even while being a
Christian? Ah!
I
had a mini internal freak-out but quickly had to stop myself. Wait a
minute! I am seeking love and affirmation from people again… caring more about
what they say/ think than about what God thinks. I need to release that. Oh how
easily I can fall into that mindset again! Help me, Lord! Not only would I be holding myself back from
the fullness of what God has for me by trying to guard myself and look for
affirmation from others, but I’d be robbing other people of the fullness of
what God has for them as well.
Testimony is powerful. Revelation 12:11 says we will overcome by
the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony and Revelation 19:10 says,
“For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.� (This means what Jesus
does, He’s going to do again. So we need to keep testifying!) God wants us to
share what He’s doing in our lives as a witness and encouragement for others.
Testimonies build faith and aid in breakthrough, especially if others are going
through similar challenges. If I’m more worried about what people think of me
than about what God thinks, I am going to squelch the fullness of what God
wants to do in and through both me and others. It’s all about the glory of the
Lord; it’s not about me. I need to step outside myself, realize that the Lord’s
opinion is the only one I should be worrying about (and thank God He loves
me!), and testify to what He’s doing in my life. That’s it. No fear. Nothing
held back. Fullness, openness, honesty, and vulnerability before the Lord and
His people. Dear Jesus, help me grow in
this!
(I
know this blog is long. Bear with me.) 🙂
I’ve
also been learning a lot about Song of Songs throughout the Race and it’s
incredible to begin diving into the depths of the Lord’s infinite, zealous love
for us. There is so much in that book – it’s ridiculous. Read it. Reread it.
Keep reading. The Lord will continue revealing more as our hearts are ready to
receive. (Mike Bickle has some good teachings on it as well… check em out. He’s
been studying this eight-chapter Biblical love song for about thirty years of
his life and feels as if he’s just now scratching the surface of everything it
has to offer. That’s depth right there; that’s good stuff.)
Here’s
something I’ve been learning. There are multiple scriptures in Song of Songs
that reference both the lover’s and the beloved’s eyes being like doves. (Sidenote: Song of Songs is an
allegory of bridal love and acts as a metaphor for how Jesus – “the loverâ€�
feels towards His bride/ the church/ us – “the beloved.â€�) The significance of
using doves to describe both parties’ eyes refers to how Jesus has a
single-focus on us and desires the same in return. The nature of doves’ eyes
prevent them from looking anywhere else but forward; their attention lies
solely on the one thing that’s right in front of them. Jesus’ eyes are like doves for each one of us; He is enamored with
His bride and He wants us to return His passionate gaze in undistracted
devotion. He is jealous for our love and wants us to focus on Him above all
else; that’s what’s best for our hearts and ultimately, that’s what He
deserves. Our all in all. “My lover is
mine and I am His� (Song of Songs 2:16).
As
I step deeper into caring about what Jesus says about me instead of the world,
I find comfort in knowing that He is ravished by who I am (and He feels the
same about who you are as well!)
Here are some of the things He says about us throughout Song of Songs. “How
beautiful you are my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves� (1:15).
“He has taken me to the banquet hall, and His banner over me is LOVE� (2:4).
“My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside,
show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your
face is lovely� (2:14). “His left arm is under my head, and His right arm
embraces me� (2:6). “But my dove, my perfect one, is unique, the only daughter of
her mother, the favorite of the one who bore her� (6:9). “I belong to my lover,
and His desire is for me� (7:10). “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my
bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes� (4:9). “Arise, my
darling, my beautiful one, and come with me� (2:10).
(Sidenote here for the MEN: Don’t freak
out with all this bridal imagery. I’m not saying you’re a woman. But we all do want to be pursued, desired, affirmed,
and in relationship with our Creator, and that’s what the Lord is conveying in
Song of Songs. Don’t let your minds get tripped up by the literal language…
allow the Spirit to speak this truth into your heart in a way that only you
will be able to receive.)
Basically, it all comes down to
this: everything this world has to offer falls drastically short of the unending
affections the Lord has for us. Some of us will spend our whole lives looking
for love, fulfillment, and worth in the wrong places. Some of us who know God
still don’t know His love. I don’t know if any of us ever will. Ephesians
3:17-19 talks about how wide, long,
high, and deep the LOVE of Christ is and that it surpasses knowledge. We will never fully get it. But God wants to
continue revealing more layers of the depths of His love for us and allowing us
to actually experience it as well. His love is an endless ocean, a bottomless
sea (thanks JD Helser), and he wants us to DIVE into that ocean. Get LOST in God’s love. You’ll never
experience anything sweeter.
But wait, it doesn’t stop there.
God doesn’t just want to fill us up with this love and leave us… we would
probably explode! He wants us to take His love and share it with the world – our families, friends, co-workers, the random man walking down the street,
everyone! In this way He wants us to be His LIGHT and his missionaries
(carriers of the Good News) in every sphere of influence we find ourselves. 1
John 4: 8 tells us that “God is love,�
so by loving others with the love of Christ we’re actually spreading God to
them. We are all called to be witnesses to the light and love of Christ in this
world (Matthew 28:19), but first we need to truly experience that love for ourselves before we can testify to His
overwhelming goodness.
Song of Songs 1:4 says, “Draw me after you; let us run.� After
listening to some teachings on this passage I’ve come to realize what the
beloved is actually telling her lover here. She wants to be DRAWN to Him in intimacy – basking in the garden of His
goodness and love, and then RUN with Him in ministry – co-laboring/ partnering with Him to spread His message
of hope, light, and love to the world. That is my prayer. First we have to be
drawn; then we have to run. Come on guys, let’s do it! 🙂
“And I
pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together
with all the saints, to grasp how wide
and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know that this love surpasses knowledge – that
you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God� (Ephesians
3:17-19).
“For
great is your love [O Lord], higher than
the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies� (Psalm 108:4).
“How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I
awake, I am still with you� (Psalm 139:17-18). (Jesus thinks about us all the
time!!)
“Dear
friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves
has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God,
because God is love. This is how God
showed His love among us: He sent His one and only Son into the world that we
might live through Him. This is love:
not that we loved God, but that He loved
us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends,
since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen
God; but if we love one another, God
lives in us and His love is made complete in us� (1 John 4:7-12).
“Love never fails� (1
Corinthians 13:8).
