I just want to start by saying life on the Race is not easy. We’re not escaping our past or our circumstances. In fact, we’re hitting them head-on and working through them as much as we can abroad. There’s a lot that happens everywhere we go that could very well happen at home.
There are lots of ups and downs. There are times when we have pretty awesome adventure days and there are times when I feel down in the dumps.
God has been teaching me a lot about relationships. By month 10 of the Race, we’re pretty familiar with the people in our little community. We know what to expect of each other and how to approach each other.
There are times when I get so overwhelmed with the people I’m around that I lose sight of the big picture. I focused a lot on my pet peeves and gave feedback to my team members about how they can change their actions to accommodate me so I can be comfortable and happy. But I’ve realized there hasn’t been a lot of change on my end.
Jesus lived life with 12 people he called his disciples. Each of them had their own unique personalities. I am sure they did things that aggravated the others, and that each had their struggles. But you don’t hear a lot about that in the Bible. Things are focused on Jesus; about what he said, his feelings, and his actions.
Jesus didn’t give feedback in ways for others to act like he wanted them to act. He didn’t get frustrated because someone always had to fill the silence or ask the obvious questions or doubt his prophecies or do the opposite of what He told them to do. He rolled with it. He helped others where they were and approached them accordingly. He saw the big picture.
Sometimes I get frustrated because people don’t say or do the things I expect them to say or do. I’ve been learning that people are people, and we can talk about the rough times and how we can make them better. But ultimately, if I’m frustrated because things didn’t go my way, I’ve lost sight of the reason we’re even here: because of Christ.
I have a team member who I really haven’t gotten along with the past couple months. We nit-picked each other on everything, and the attitude we had really brought down the rest of the team. One day I decided we really needed to discuss things together, even though it would be easier to ignore the problem and coast right on through Final Debrief.
Our conversation went in a completely different direction than I had planned. I had expected to say everything was her fault and how if she hadn’t said or done this list of things, then I wouldn’t have said and done my list of things. Instead, I took the responsibility of my actions. As I spoke, everything I had seen shifted. I realized that my heart was what was causing a lot of the problems. I was defensive and on guard all the time. I didn’t give her the grace Christ would have, and I asked for her forgiveness.
The conversation was a turning point in our relationship. That’s all it took for us to laugh together and share jokes and be able to talk to each other like sisters in Christ.
Reality is, we are people. We aren’t perfect and we make our own decisions. Deciding to follow after Christ’s example is one of the hardest ones because it’s a daily decision of dying to self. To die to myself means to die to my expectations (of people, situations, etc.), my comforts, and my wants. It means being intentional with people and inviting them to live life with us. It’s letting them see the deepest parts and the struggles and being vulnerable with one another. It’s being intentional with people and building relationships with them.
It’s more than meeting once a week for an hour to have a “Jesus conversation”, and it’s not acting like you’re perfect or better. Because, let’s be real: we’re people. We fail. We sin. We mess up. But there’s grace and forgiveness there.
Grace has been something I have been learning a lot about this year. I’ve learned to own up to my mistakes and grow from them. It’s so easy to act like nothing is wrong and let it boil up until it explodes and makes a bigger mess. Dealing with my problems and frustrations when they happen is something I’ve been practicing. Cleaning up the little messes along the way rather than cleaning up a huge mess later.
