The enemy has this way of sneaking in without you noticing. It’s the slight difference between right and almost right. It’s that slight feeling of hostility and anger in a moment that never gets resolved. It’s not speaking up and addressing something right away. It’s remembering that one thing that one person did to you and holding it against them forever. It’s grudges, no matter how big or small. And it’s ways that might not even be obvious. It’s those subtle things.
I’ve realized a huge way that the enemy has crept into my thoughts regards my self-worth. He’s attacked me ever so slightly, little by little, without me even noticing. He had me believing all these lies such as I didn’t have a voice worth hearing, and that people don’t like me for the same reasons why I don’t like myself. In short, I don’t love myself.
At least I didn’t. And it kept me from loving others.
The Bible commands us to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). That means in order to love others, we must first love ourselves. And not only that, but it’s the second greatest commandment.
It’s got to be a big deal if it’s the second greatest commandment. And it’s soooo much easier said than done. I don’t think we always realize how much truth that verse holds. We must love ourselves. We must be so content in knowing that we are children of God, that He loves us, that He cares for us, that He sees us, and that He knows us personally. We have to love ourselves before we can love others.
I use the word content, because something else I am learning is to be content in every situation (Philippians 4:11), with what I have (Hebrews 13:8), and with what I don’t (1 Timothy 6:7-8).
I’m learning that when a teammate sees things differently than I do, or does something differently than I would do it, to be content. When things don’t go my way, be content. When I don’t get what I want, be content. There’s no use in arguing about everything.
In the same way that my struggle with loving myself hindered the way I love others, so also did it hinder the way I loved God. It hindered my relationship with Him. There were times when I didn’t pray about things because I thought I could handle things myself, or even do things better.
In a sense, it’s picking your battles. Decide what’s actually worth discussing and which ones should just be shrugged off.
There have been times when I’ve had to sit down and have the hard conversations with teammates about things that happened or were said to avoid walls of separation being built up between us. We have to all be on the same page at the end of every day. We have to work on maintaining our relationships so the enemy cannot come in and cause division, which is something he just loves to do.
