I have several friends that have both parents and it hurts me when I see how much most of them take it for granted. I know so many choices were made on both of our parts that have lead us to where we are today. Even though we don’t talk there are still some things that I really want for you to know.
I still love you
I know that I made the choice to walk away from our relationship because it became more hurtful to both of us than it was ever helpful, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you or love you. I care about your physical and mental health, and I really hope that you are taking care of yourself. I pray for you everyday and hope that you know Jesus on a personal level.
I still think about you
Even though I haven’t seen or talked to you since my 17th birthday doesn’t mean that you don’t cross my mind everyday. Walking away from our relationship is the hardest breakup that I have ever had to go through, and I’m still getting over it. So many people would be surprised to know the number of times I have cried because I simply see mothers and daughter in public, on tv, on facebook or read about them in a book because I wish that I had that.
You are irreplaceable
I have women in my life that have helped to make me into the woman I am today, and I am thankful for each and every single one of them, but I always wonder what it would have been like to have you around as a positive influence on my life on a regular basis growing up. My granny is wonderful and it was great to have her around all the time; every time I talk to her she tells me how much it hurts her that you and I couldn’t have a relationship even though she knows that it isn’t what’s best for either of us.
We are both responsible
Much like failed romantic relationship, no one person is ever at fault. I personally wasn’t the easiest person to live with and raise, and I’m so sorry that I pushed you past your breaking point and just kept pushing. In the end, our relationship ended because it wasn’t safe or healthy for either of us, and the process of ending it was ugly.
I don’t want to ruin your life
I keep my mouth shut in public spaces about our relationship because I really don’t want to ruin your life. You seem to be doing pretty well with your life, and I don’t want anything I say or do to ruin that. I keep your name off of my tongue unless a situation rises that I need to say something, and then I try to keep whatever I say as positive as possible.
We are both better off now
We both live our lives separately of each other, and even though my heart aches sometimes I know that where we both are is what is best for both of us. This adult thing gets hard sometimes, but I’m making it work. I still talk about you and share positive memories of you. I make sure that people know that you are still alive; just not a part of my life anymore. I’m okay with the decision I made to walk away from our relationship; it was a hard decision made with A LOT of prayer and counsel.
I pray that you are happy, taking care of yourself, and continue to do so.
