If I could be honest with all of us, which I assume I can seeing as this is my blog, I have to admit something:

Some days, I question leaving. 

I question leaving family, friends, a city that I love so much, and two churches that bless me continually. 

I love Anderson. I want to stay.

But I know I have to go…whether or not I always feel like it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am completely excited about this next adventure on the Race and feel passionately about it, but there are moments that I want to stay. Moments I want to stay in Anderson and go after the life I thought I’d have. The normal one, the one that felt safer somehow.

Something I’m continually learning is that it is ALL about the Kingdom of God, and a lot less about me. Sure, this is a crazy awesome opportunity, but so many of my hopes, dreams, plans have been put on hold or reshaped. It is not about me. This has nothing to do with my legacy, but with God’s redeeming story. He is making beautiful things out of my brokenness, redeeming different situations, and reminding me that He alone is worth all of this, because He is the only being in this universe that I fully believe loves me intensely more than I could ever ask, imagine, or deserve. Each day, he provides in such cool ways that I ignore or write off as coincidence, but that’s not really what it is. It is God orchestrating my story. All for his glory.

The past two days I have been doing a stay at home mission trip with Madison Park, the church I attend in Anderson. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that this intensified my desire to stay, because this experience has been fantastic. It has reminded me how much I love this city, and how awesome the students I volunteer with are. I have never loved a city as much as I love little old Anderson. 

My favorite author, Donald Miller, has a quote that I love that says

“Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.”

 

This has not only been true about my hometown of Drexel, but maybe true of Anderson. I’ll need to leave so that I can come back and love it for all new reasons. 

This is my prayer: that I will continue on this adventure fearlessly, becoming a better person for my family, friends, churches, and towns. I will leave, even though I don’t always feel like it or want to, because I know it furthers the Kingdom of God.

It is ALL about He, and NOT about me.

But I am excited about this adventure. Scared, but excited.

Today, I’m listening to Bethel Music’s “You Make Me Brave”….I thought it seemed fitting.