Out of nowhere, a low rumble groaned from the earth.
Within seconds, everything began to shake violently and I watched three houses collapse across the valley.
I heard the screams and saw the dust rising.
Clinging on to my friends and former teammates Aubrey and Josh, its like nothing was stable, and like those 30 seconds it wouldn’t end.
Is this real life?
Sound returned to the woods- we hadn’t noticed the silence that had fallen as the ground beneath us trembled.
I’ll never forget my squad leaders’ screams as they told us to sit as the earthquake and aftershocks finished.
I’ll never forget the panic in my own heart hoping that the children and families surrounding us, as well as my squad- are all okay.
I’ll never forget packing up and staring down into the most beautiful, yet destroyed valley, I have ever seen.
I’ll never forget the shock of what just happened.
Because we were on the side of a mountain, on the terraces that you see used commonly in asian farming, we had to evacuate. We had to get to the top of the mountain.
Traveling in groups of five as we evacuated, the villagers watched us. Their homes destroyed, sitting and waiting for the potential of another quake. Their faces, as they watched us go as quickly as we came, will never leave my memory.
For the next two days, we set up camp in a World Food Program storage tent creating a refugee camp of our own. We visited with the villagers, prayed with them, heard their stories. Some went to the next village to try to help medically or to set up tents.
I’d be lying if I said I wanted to leave the side of the mountain- it was part of counting the cost. I get the danger. Thats part of this and part of life. However, I fully support and understand why leadership had us evacuate. You can’t have a group of 50 in danger- thats just not wise. But my heart didn’t want to leave. They moved us to the safest place in the village, and let us grieve and love people as best we could.
I’d be lying if I said I was okay. I feel safe and at peace, but I’m on emotional backorder from the accident. The morning after the earthquake, I woke up and felt the reality of the last four weeks. This event, along with the accident, have helped me realize more of what I want in ministry, and how I want to do ministry. Everyone is talking about rising from the ashes and pushing on, but right now all I can do is kind of gather myself. This isn’t a “woe jennie”. This is just me, being 50 shades of over it. I’m just being honest. This has sucked. I have heard it all-I am strong. I am not fearful. I don’t really worry. I’m just saying I desire to help with a long-term sustainable change and I’m not in a position to do that right now, and that is no one’s fault.
I’m not scared. I don’t feel unsafe. My heart is really just heavy for the people of Nepal, and the Sindhupalchok region specifically.
I am sickened by my own wealth and selfishness. I am deeply bothered that I was the one that got to leave, and they fear for their lives daily. They have to stay. Their world has literally crumbled, and my world is still in one peace.
Why me, Jesus? Why me.
People shouldn’t think God hates them. I believe God hates the temples and the false gods, but he doesn’t hate them. People shouldn’t have to live in fear or wait for the earthquakes and aftershocks to end for them to start rebuilding their lives.
My heart is for restoration. I desire restoration for Nepal and I desire for them to know Jesus. I desire for their physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs to be met. I desire for hope to return. I desire for them to be free of this darkness.
I find my hope in Jesus, not idols. My heart is for them to be open to the goodness of who Christ is, but that will take time. Time, and Jesus proving himself, which I believe Jesus will. I don’t really understand why trauma happens or why a good God allows bad things to happen, but I do believe that it doesn’t change God’s goodness.
He makes beautiful things out of the dust.
He will bring new life.
He creates restoration.
Jesus, be near to Nepal.
Please join me in prayer, and please be gracious with me as I process.
Please pray for restoration- and improvement.
Pray for Jesus to show himself.
I believe.
