This is my race.
From the first blog you read to training camp to launch all you hear is
“don’t have expectations, don’t compare yourself to others, and it’s your race”
Those sound simple enough right?
Wrong. Living in community with 6 to 47 other individuals creates a hard environment to not compare your every step to others. Living in community where you have feedback and voice your opinions honestly creates a lot of self reflection.
Self reflection is good, don’t get me wrong. But my momma always told me “too much self reflection is a bad thing.” I should’ve listened to my momma!
I’ve been struggling this past month with trying to fit into this World Race stereotype I have in my head. I have thought I have to be a long term missionary after this or what was the point. I’ve felt like every time I don’t want to go play with a kid after a long day I’m a horrible person. You should be doing missions all the time right?
This month we’ve been traveling around the country of Nicaragua finding new ministry contacts for the World Race. We’ve done that and along the way made lifelong friends, become parts of families, and just gotten the privilege to meet some awesome missionaries. I’m always in awe of these people giving up their lives to follow Jesus’ calling, to move families and leave comforts just because Jesus told them. The race has given me a glimpse of what it feels like to do that: leave your home, friends, family, comforts. God always provides though.
God gave us a little blessing last week: a few days off on Ometepe Island. We had a ministry to meet with there so we decided to look into finding a place to stay. We were getting frustrated looking for a place so we stopped to pray ” Lord please open up doors and bring usto an awesome affordable place to stay” during the prayer I heard God say “ask your contact.” So I said it to my team and we called. They had an awesome beach front hotel with hot showers and A/C. Thank you God.
We visited the ministry called H3C that has a school for hearing impaired children and a sewing school for women on the island run by Mike and Joan Vilasi. Mike gave us a tour and even gave me a ride on his four wheeler to our hotel because I got sunburned.
I got to the hotel and it’s so nice and such a blessing and all I could do was cry. It’s so hard to transition from ministry to vacation when I’m already thinking thoughts like “maybe I’m not doing enough for ministry” or “I dont even know if I would ever what to be a long term missionary.” I was feeling condemnation and just plain guilt.
That’s when my amazing team leader Kristy reminds me for the hundredth time:
“ It’s Your race. God doesn’t condemn you. He gives you blessings and you just need to enjoy them. “
The next day I had another chat with Kristy and I realized that sometimes I feel like I came on the race for the wrong reasons. I love doing short term mission trips. I love traveling and meeting people, but one thing for certain God called me to do the World Race. I don’t know what to do with that information. I started the race wanting to have fun and get to know God and obviously do the ministry work in each country. Somewhere I got the idea that this is a horrible reasons for coming on the race and it’s not.
This is my race.
God called me on it. I believe God called me to the World Race to get to know him and how he is working all around the world. I think thats all the information I need now.
Please pray that I continue to be focused on getting to know God in the Word and through others I meet. Pray that the spirit of condemnation, comparison, and anxiety will stay away so that I can fully enjoy and focus on this journey God has put me on with him.
Thank you everyone at home for your support and prayers! I love you all and miss you dearly!
Many Blessings
Jennie
