Right where I need to be
Today I had my own Sabbath. Yes its a Sunday and I should have gone to church this morning but I have been exhausted. I let myself sleep in and just sit all day until 3pm and I took a long and cold walk. There was stillness around. The stillness that comes with cold, no more leaves on the trees to create a sound when the wind blows. I breathed in the cold air and thanked God for the silence.
I was just where I needed to be.
Last night one of my best friends threw a Send Off Party for me. A lot of friends showed up; my mom drove up for the night; but I still wished some people would have come. People I value and love were not there and it was hard to put in perspective that people are busy and not everyone is free on the same night.
I’ve written before my biggest fear of going on the World Race is that I will be forgotten. I prayed to God on my drive to my party that I could focus on the present, on the people at the party and not think about the people who weren’t there. I have to say I did a good job of it. I stayed present in the moment with everyone there and it was great. I got to catch up and answer questions a lot of my friends had about my trip. Everyone seemed very interested and spoke words of affirmation over my trip. I had a table set up where my friends could write my notes of encouragement that I will take on the race. I am so excited to read these on my journey. Just seeing my friends sit down and write for a period of time meant the world to me because they took the time to stop and think and write something down.
It didn’t hit me until this morning as I replayed conversations that were had last night that this night was just want I needed. I’m realizing I am a words of affirmation kinda person. I need to hear people say “you will be missed” or “you are the most genuinely nice person I know” or “I am proud of you for doing something that most people our age aren’t doing.”
I felt loved.
But the kicker here is I know I shouldnt be seeking fulfillment in how many people came to my party or what nice things were said about me. I’m daily struggling and trying to remember that I am enough and the only person I should be seeking approval from is God. Even in that I should be able to see, feel, and know that I am loved in my soul. Jesus settled it all at the cross and poured out his own blood to show his love for you and me.
Tonight I did go to church (yes I’m not a heathen) I help and attend a service called the HUB. Its a community of people that worship differently every Sunday and talk about tough issues and just strive to be the hands and feet of Christ. Its been my rock in this process of going on the World Race.
I didn’t really want to go out in the cold again today after my very cold walk but I did. The HUB always draws me in. I walked in to the worship space and the worship team was singing “Shelter” by Jars of Clay which is a powerful song to me. I looked up and put my hands up and said “OK God.”
I was just where I needed to be.
The service tonight focused on technology and how it affects our lives. We had a discussion about the pros and cons of technology and facebook: how it can help us connect with people and also disconnect with people. I have to admit I am kind of excited to get away from technology this next year however I am also very thankful we have it so I will get to see my family and talk to them throughout the year too. It put into perspective how much I depend on technology and also how freeing it is to be without. I am excited to be present in the moment and take hold of my life in the coming months.
As my time in the states in coming closer to an end and the goodbyes are starting it is getting more real that this is happening. I’m leaving. My life is changing. But on thing stays the same..
I’m right where I need to be.
So as the holidays draw near I encourage you to put down the phone, don’t instagram that pie you ate or tweet what grandma said. Just be present and savor the moments you have with whether it be friends, family, or your dog. Try to unplug this holiday season. I’m going to give it a try 🙂 Preparation for the World Race for me!
Blessings,
Jennie
