Transitioning

Trying to find the words to type right now seem near impossible, but I know it’s something I want to do. I love writing about what’s on my heart. What God is teaching me. Where I’ve been, where I’m going and where I am. Quite honestly, I feel lost right now. I’d rather be one place or another – somewhere other than here. I’d honestly rather be either back in Maui or starting the World Race. Here is where!?

I just arrived “home,” to camp about 2 weeks ago from volunteering for 3 months at the Haggai Institute in Kihei, Maui. It was so hard to leave. I didn’t want to. I would have done anything to stay another day, week, month!  I never realized I’d fall in love there – in love with the place, the ocean and surroundings and people – from Church and work. What an amazing blessing and privilege it was to be there and see God at work. To see men from all over the world come together with one common belief – Christ – and give me “a little taste of Heaven.”

Leaving a place I love to come to a place I love was harder than expected. It’s been a huge awakening. A massive transition. An overwhelming experience. I am here, at camp, in body yet my mind and heart is back in Maui. I kind of feel like I’m living in two places at once, trying to be two people. Trying to adjust to everything all at once without having time to breathe, sleep and take it all in. Once again, I am exhausted!

I’m not sure why I am at camp. I want to be here. I love it here. There’s been a lot of laughs. Lots of tears. Lots of prayers. Lots of hugs. This is all the first week. I am excited for what is to come. I am bombarded with being and doing all that  I love, yet feel so out of place. I don’t want to be disconnected. I am a part of the body, no matter how I feel. I have to start pulling my weight and get out of the gutter. I need to start doing and stop saying. 

Then my younger brother goes and get’s engaged! So happy and exciting for him and his wife to be, Kristi…but just pray that all goes well for planning and that I will be okay with whatever date they choose to be married, regardless of whether I can be there or not! This is their day!

I need to sleep. Not just close my eyes and rest kinda sleep, but the sleep where only God can restore me and bring me back to life. He’s the only one who can refresh my body, soul, mind and spirit. Just keep breathing. it’s hard adjusting to a new pace of life without having time to get caught up on what has gone on. 

Father, I WANT to serve you. I NEED to be all here, at camp – for your sake and for the sake of the staff and campers that surround me. I DESIRE to continue to love you no matter what, even when all seems to be crazy around me! I TRUST you, Lord. Grant me peace and a hope for what is to come – the good and the bad! You brought me here, and this is where I am, regardless of whether I want to be here or not. I need STRENGTH that only you can give me. I need WISDOM to do the things that need to be done. I WANT to do your will.