Pray about who get’s the camera, was all I heard! I was confused. Why did I have to pray? It’s not my camera. I didn’t understand…but I obeyed, and prayed and listened.
Cameron has one that he was willing to let us all use in Swaziland…
then the dilemma came when he would no longer be heading with his team to Cape Town.
He knew that the only way to know who would get the camera would be through prayer.
So, we prayed!
I didn’t want anything to do with the decision. It wasn’t my camera. It wasn’t “right” for me to take something that does not belong to me, nor ask for something that was not mine to take. I knew that Nick is gifted in photography, and I have a passion for it. I kept pressing in and praying…I knew that I would be willing to accept the camera IF I was handed it, yet God immediately told me I needed to give it up! Not only did God tell me that Nick needed to have the camera with him, he began to ask me if I trusted him. If I was willing to obey and follow him at all costs. I said yes…
He proceeded to continue to ask me to lay down my control, my rights and my passion. He had me place my camera in my pack, hand my borrowed camera back to my team mate and walk in Him. Not only was I unable to take pictures, I was not to ask to have pictures taken of me.
Immediately, I hesitated, but then surrendered and entered a world that was walking in trust and obedience – not only of God, but trusting that my team would be encouraging and supportive, and that I would still feel included in pictures! I needed to trust that my team would capture the month in a way God was asking me to give up.
Not taking pictures for the month was one of the hardest battles I had to face during the race, yet the freedom, beauty, ministry, that came out of it is beyond what I could see!
There were many moments I wish I could have had a camera at my side to capture the moments I saw when nobody else was around. Times when I wish I could have asked to have a certain picture taken or be in a picture with a certain person. It was hard to not be able to take pictures of my team mates when they needed someone to take a picture.
Being surrounded by God’s beauty and presence – especially at the river and up on the “snowy” mountain – made me desire God so much more because I had nothing to grasp onto other than Him. Sure, I longed to take the pictures I saw in my head and I struggled to not fully share with my team the constant struggle because I knew God has something in store for me beyond anything I could say, do or think!
Nothing and nobody can fully capture a moment. It took me giving up my passion to realize this. There is so much more to a picture than what you see. Every photo has an aroma, a feeling and a depth to it that cannot be captured on film. What I saw and experienced this month was purely from the eyes of my Lord. Not my eyes, but the new eyes He has given me. I saw Lesotho through the eyes of Jesus. I saw my team with new eyes, His creation with new eyes and the people around me with new eyes. I can see clearer, further and brighter than I have been able to see all race. I am free from the NEED to be behind a camera, but the DESIRE to be engaged in Him…however he calls!
I am anxious to have a camera at my side again and be able to take pictures of those I love and for those I love…but I also know I will have a new appreciation, desire and passion for it! My team was more encouraging than I could have imagined…I didn’t realize until I was leaving Lesotho that I had been an encouragement through my fast because I never complained or pouted about not being able to do something, but remained joyful, loving and seeking God in the midst of it all! Having team mates tell me that they are excited to have me take pictures again because they know they will be different makes me anxious to live out my dreams and my passions and still seek God, knowing that I am NOT wanting to or am willing to give up being fully engaged in ministry!
Nothing is going to keep me from seeking God and doing what He has called me to do!
