Footprints in the hall and rooms surrounding me. Memories begin to come back. Feelings I do not want to have. I am brought to tears. My body is reacting. My heart is pounding. I am wide awake – it is only 12:30am…the night is only just beginning!
Sounds and images flood my head and my heart. Lost in emotion am I. Lost in what, are they? Trapped. Caught in a game. Lust. Wanting something. Never satisfied. Never enough. I cannot understand what is being said in the room beside me, nor do I want to. It’s all bringing me back to my past…not pleasant thoughts or memories. I wasn’t happy. I was trapped.
Why God? I do not understand these thing. These women are so young. They are beautiful and often so innocent. I cannot do anything but pray. I cannot go anywhere. I can’t scream. I’m curled up in a ball, with my headlamp, listening to worship music playing in the background, praying for the women who are losing another piece of themselves. They are empty. They are somebody’s daughter, sister, neighbour and friend. They have a purpose, yet do not see it.
I am being taken back to a place I do not want to be. The hurts. The cries. The tears. Wanting to escape, yet unsure how. It’s not fun. Being controlled. Being trapped. Being treated like a doll – thrown around from person to person. Is this what it’s like for them, night after night?
Where is the hope rather than fear?
Where is the peace rather than abandonment?
God, my heart cries out to you! The moment is NOW for me to RISE UP!
I have been there in more ways than I realized it. Never completely giving myself away, but opening up and giving more of myself – my heart, body and emotions – to boys who think they are men. For what? Pleasure? Fun? Satisfaction? It wasn’t any of that. It’s torture. It’s hurtful. It’s emotionless. It’s empty. My body is trying to tell me what my heart does not want. That was the old me. The damaged me. The lost me. The person who was running and lost, trying to find her way and stumbled into sin. A child looking for love in all the wrong places. Trying to find and be a friend and getting hurt in return. I am now resisting the temptations!
Death has lost it’s sting
From the grave you’ve risen, VICTORIOUSLY!
Into marvelous light I’m running
Out of darkness, out of shame!
By the Cross you are the truth you are the life you are the way!
Tonight is hard. I ache. My head, my heart. I am shaking. I am breathing fast. I know this is why I am here. This is my mission field. I need this to put it behind me – all of it! I repent. I give it all to you, Lord. I cry out to you, Lord! I long for you, Lord. You are my love, my joy and my satisfaction. The devil has no right to be in this room trying to mess with my thoughts, body and emotions. I will NOT give in and surrender to his ways. I belong to Jesus Christ. He has redeemed me. 
My armour is on. It’s not clean. It’s messy. Dirt and arrows are being thrown at it. I am walking through fire and dark places. God, be my guide. Open my eyes. Grant me wisdom, knowledge and understanding.
Lord, I am crying out for my sisters around me, embracing a lifestyle that wears them out and makes them feel less valued. Lord, they do not know what I know. They do not see the light. The television tries to cover the noise, yet everyone knows what goes on behind these doors at night. They are bought for a time and then thrown out to be sold again and again and again. How can fathers let this happen? How can men treat women this way? How is this even legal? Why and how do these women get involved in the first place? Lord, I have so many questions and no answers. I am broken.
After walking the streets of Ho Chi Minh city, passing cart after cart filled with “protection”, being sold at convenience. Men waiting to get what they want, how they want it. My heart is heavy! SHAKE THIS PLACE, Lord! Your presence is here, amidst the smell, sights and sounds! Lord, bring the people here to a realization that there is more to life, more pleasure, excitement and satisfaction in the light – in Christ – than there is in the darkness…in lust and “meaningless satisfaction, entertainment and pleasure” that lasts for a moment, when the light of Christ lasts for an eternity.
satisfied. A woman a little less valued. She does have a worth, despite
what she feels or experiences.
I love these women…but you love them so much more. Capture their hearts. Put a burning sensation in their hearts and eyes for you. They need something more. Substance. Only you can satisfy. Break the chains. Set them free. Set me free from what has been holding me captive! The past is no longer!
We are females who are being taken into battle for a hope and a place to be someone. We do not need to prove ourselves or become of less value in order to find our place in this world. We have a place in this world – in and through Christ.
