Myself and I believe many of my fellow racers had this expectation on returning home on such a spiritual high. Maybe I’ve mentioned this in a previous blog, but you know when you come home from church camp and you feel so close to Jesus you just want to tell everyone around you about His goodness.
Well… unfortunately but fortunately this was not the case upon my return.
Sure, I wanted to tell others about His goodness. I have experienced so much of it this past year how could I not? I developed a relationship with Jesus that following him in this radical way became a lifestyle rather than a week at church camp, or just an 11 month mission trip. I experienced many different seasons throughout the 11 months. Ones where I was on a spiritual high and I still long for those seasons daily but, a good majority of the seasons were ones of perseverance and strengthening my endurance to seek Him.
It is so much easier to seek the lord in the times we feel Him so near and things are going so great with friends and family and life in general. The spiritual high after camp usually helps you push through another few weeks of daily bible reading, devotionals, and time with Him. However, at least for me, a few weeks after returning from church camp I found myself not making time for daily bible reading and not trying as hard as I did immediately after camp.
So, returning from The Race in a more dry season or time of reaping and sowing has been unfortunate because well, we all love those seasons of feeling “high” on the Spirit. Or in other words in a season of harvest, the seasons of reaping and sowing are hard work. But it has been so fortunate because I see the Lords provisions and protection over me in it .
While still in Vietnam, about 10 days before returning home, in my quiet time, the Lord led me to 1 Corinthians 1:4-9. I had just been praying about the season being home and feeling so anxious about what troubles I would face coming home. In the past there was sin I was living in that I was fearful to face because of how weak I remember being and how I still could fall into those traps. Anyway, the scripture reads:
“I always thank my God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way- with all kinds of speech and with all knowledge – God thus confirming our testimony about Christ among you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” -NIV
This scripture gave me hope and trust in the Lord that He is my strength. As he tells in scripture many times that He has overcome the world and when I am faced with trials, it is never too great to go against and prevail.
In all, coming home has been a challenge. It is hard to not be in the community I was in that helped me even more to continue seeking the Lord in the dry seasons. However, I see the Lords provision in teaching me how to continue doing so because of OUR relationship. That I may not be out on the field doing missions or living in such close community forever. He is teaching me and strengthening me in this short time home to continue the ways I have learned to keep striving, enduring, and loving Him.
I see His protection because I am not home for long and it is giving me a taste of what dry seasons will feel like at home in the future. I am learning new ways to seek him in the comforts of home, which is truly much harder than living in the uncomfortable areas of the world I have visited.
I am learning to be thankful and to continue to praise Him even when He doesn’t seem so near. To KNOW that He loves me even if I mess up or don’t get that time with Him every day. But to still hold on to Him and try! To not give up and take each day as a new one. To learn from my mistakes and rely on Him for my strength. For in my weakness His strength will shine through. And although living for Him is not about living to see the fruit. The time of harvest is near and I want it to be a beneficial time of reaping and sowing so that the harvest is that much more rewarding!
