If I'm being honest, these words and many more shocking words are the first to come to mind when I think that I just committed the next 17 months of my life to preparing for and going on the World Race….. Next come tears…why??? FEAR. Not just any ole fear…it's fear I've never experienced, it's a crippling fear, defeating fear. Through this process of deciding whether or not this race is for me, fear has been at the forefront. Fear of missing my family, fear of missing my friends, fear of missing out on things that happen with my life back home, fear of not doing Young Life and missing the ministry and the people, fear of being inadequate, fear of failing, fear of being forgotten by friends… The list goes on and on and on…
One night though I was thinking through these and God flicked me in the face and said,
"My beloved Jenni, do you realize what these fears are?? They are selfish fears through and through. Do you not realize who I am in your life?
I am your Lion, I fight for you and I'm on your side.
I am the author of time, I KNOW that this is the time for the World Race and I know what will come after.
I am your friend, come and cry and present your fears to me because I'm listening and I will HOLD you.
I am Jehovah Jireh, and I have the power to provide you with the belongings and emotions for you to carry out my good work.
I am the only one who can satisfy your soul.
I am your first and only love, I am the LOVER of your soul, I desire to make you feel passionately loved and worthwhile. Don't fear these things because I've got this and I've got you…. All you must do is LOVE me and let me LOVE you…the faith, trust, belief, and desire will follow. My PERFECT LOVE will drive out your fear"'
The list goes on and on and on….kinda like my fear list but this list trumps it by a whole lot
So the feelings that overwhelm my fears and tears are feelings of jubilation, unexplainable joy, exuberant tears etc… I refuse to be crippled by my fear but I will be strengthened by the love of my Jesus. He's instilled within me an eternal perspective on life; rather than focus on the things that I think I need to accomplish, I think about all that He wants to accomplish in and through me. He's given me a sense of urgency about sharing with others the hope of the gospel and redemption that He so freely gave me. He didn't put me on earth to be successful and fulfilled by the world but through Christ.
STOP and check out the video at the bottom if you've never seen it….My wonderful friend Conner showed me this video blog from Penn Jillette, an atheist magician. Don't watch this unless you want the responsibility that comes with the things he says. So cool and convicting… This explains reason number 1 why I'm going on the WR. (disclaimer: He's a rambler but stick with it because what he says is powerful).
Penn Jillette, "How much do you have to hate someone to not tell them about everlasting life??"
Geeze…
That's why I have the urgency to go the ends of the earth, He's worth it and He has my heart, my whole heart, finally.
Thanks friends and family for the support. How funny, who knew this would ever be something I would be doing…I love God's sense of humor.
Oh and I have to raise $15,500 to go on this adventure, I would love help with this:)
Cheers to conquering fears through the strength of my father,
Jen
