Here I am in Chiang Mai, Thailand getting snazzed up and heading out to bars in the red light district.
3 years ago I would be getting sassed up in heels and fueled up by blaring rap music, drinking wine and texting my friends.
Now, I get ready and fueled up by blaring Take Back by United Pursuit, drinking a coke zero and praying for my bar friends and friends that I’ll meet that night.
The evidence of change and change by a loving God.
When I was in college I often went to bars thinking that I was doing bar ministry by showing my friends that I wouldn’t get trashed but I would still hang out with them. I loved and believed in God but something was missing in our relationship. In different ways I was able to show my friends a different way of going out because I didn’t get drunk and I would often take the initiative to be the driver. Although, I also had ulterior motives for going out which God revealed to me later on in life…I had selfish motives…I often went to bars and clubs for emotional gratification and to feel desired. Thankfully I didn’t seek physical gratification by men which saved my body as well as my heart and the process to freedom was faster. I did seek the emotional aspect of it and prided myself on being a tease to men. I would get dolled up so then I could strut myself around men to feel beautiful. I would flirt just enough to get the attention and a free drink then I would peace out, just a player in the hard-to-get game.
I had a sickness but was blinded to it by my “pure” intentions.
Fast forward to now and seeing the confidence I now have in Christ and the way I’m romanced by him has satisfied my desire for that emotional fulfillment that I found in men. The sacred romance with the lover of my soul brought me freedom.
Occasionally, I still fall in the area of desiring Christ’s fulfillment over that of man. I’m redeemed and I’m a saint but I fall sometimes. As many other women, I still desire love from a Godly man that I can spend my life with which I fully believe God has for me. Along with that desire comes the possibility to fall and seek approval from those around me. Those are the times that my Jesus calls to me, “Arise my love and come with me. My beloved daughter, you are so worthy of love and I’m jealous for your love because you are quite a catch.”
I pray a hard prayer for my friends, the women and lady boys, as well as the men who frequent the bars. I pray that they would realize the sickness they have. Many of them have worked so long that they’ve convinced themselves or been brainwashed to “love” what they do. My prayer is that they would realize their sickness BUT they would see hope and life in us as we go out to take back what the enemy has stolen.
Just as I am redeemed, I believe that God will redeem the women, ladyboys, and men that I’m meeting.
Cheers to bars, coke zero, redemption, and a sacred romance,
Jen
