This past week we landed in Nepal after 20 some odd hours on multiple planes, a few airports and countless lines of security. However, a rejuvenating and re-energizing feeling came over the whole squad as we drove through the skinny streets of Katmandu! We were all ready for a new culture, new environment and new experiences! Reunited and it feels so good!
As the week progressed the hidden emotions of my value and identity started to creep up. The devil filling me with loneliness feelings and fears of my acceptance and worth in the squad. Where do I belong? What is my purpose? What do I, Jenna, bring to the table? These feelings leading me to be overwhelmed with my to-do list to perform and just wanting to hang out with everyone and do everything and not miss out on the funny memories or the great experiences. Then feeling overwhelmed with my tasks at hand and not putting God first on my calendar made me frustrated. Now just feeling confused, God showed me my burdens I was carrying. Burdens being the things we take on ourselves yet we have no control over; loads being things that are our responsibility to do on a daily basis. Wow, I broke down that night and while worshipping just had to give it all to the Lord. I was hurting, I was realizing all these thoughts and feelings were just suppressed in mind yet still wounds not completely healed.
“The answer to anxiety is the adoration of Christ.”
Ann Voskamp
The worship turned into some team mates praying for others and my immediate response was: can they see me? I am crying, hurting over here…I need prayer. However, God convicted my heart and reminded me of something I read in The Broken Way, by Ann Voskamp, I need give out of brokenness; I need to bless to destress. I had to get out of the “victim’s circle” and into the “freedom circle.” Yes, I was hurting but that doesn’t have to stop me from supporting and loving my team mates. I asked God to help me me give love out of my emptiness. Help me pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ. I wasn’t feeling it but I knew He was asking me to step up and give out of brokenness. After I stepped out of thinking about myself and focusing on others I felt some joy 🙂 No, all my feelings weren’t completely gone but I felt more at peace. I felt a bit more empowered and bit more love than before.
“Maybe the love gets in easier right where the hearts broke open.”
Ann Voskamp
Prayers Please: This month is going to shape up a bit differently…our ministry is called “Ask the Lord.” No, it’s not a name of an organization or a church. It’s waking up every morning and asking the Lord what my ministry is going to be, how it’s going to look right down to where am I going to sleep, eat and live off of my budget. Prayers for wisdom and discernment as God takes my team and I on a crazy journey discovering Him 🙂
Fun Fact: Namaste is the greeting here. Whenever you are greeted with a “namaste” you answer back and put your hands together with a slight bow; if you do not it is considered rude. Oh, and no using your right hand or doing any exchange under a doorway.
