It’s been two weeks since I got back from World Race training camp, and wow, it seems like another world. It was 10 days full of sweat, porta-potties, bucket showers, weird foods, tears, laughter, and a lot of amazing teaching. The Lord took me through phases of hopelessness and doubt about the Race at the beginning of the week. I felt homesick for the first time in my life, and the reality of leaving a community who knew me so well and jump into a completely different one was difficult. I said the phrase, “Where are you from again? I’m so sorry, but I forgot” about a billion times. However, by the end of the week, the Lord turned my doubt and worry into pure elation and excitement about this journey. I no longer cared about my own comfort, and the process of bonding with Gap L was the most beautiful experience I’ve ever gone through. Getting to know everyone’s stories and who they are magnified my view of the church is. The church is not a building, a denomination, a region, or a status, but it’s made up of the pinnacle of creation- People. I looked into the face of all my squad mates and learned something new about the Father in each of them. I saw the complexity and beauty of the Lord in their words and actions. I can’t imagine the thought of going on this adventure with anyone else!
Going through this experience made me wonder why I’ve always sought comfort and normality so earnestly. If I had simply looked at the life of Jesus, I would have understood that Jesus was never comfortable. I want to pass out when I get up to speak in front of 25 people, but Jesus got up and preached to thousands. In our homes, we buy the best toys and trendiest decorations, but Jesus didn’t even have a home. Matthew 8:20: Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” When I look back on my life so far, there were times when I never felt the Lord- I see now that I gave Him no opportunity. The Lord holds our hearts when they are hurting and tired. We drink of his love more fully when our souls are exhausted. He gives us breath when our own breath is gone. His glory shines brighter in our failures. At training camp, I realized how weak my soul, mind, and body are. I had to depend on Him fully and completely if I was to make it through the week. The reality is- this is what the next year of my life will look like. It’s going to be incredibly difficult, and in order for me to show people the face of Jesus, I have to see it myself. So if discomfort is what it takes to make the Lord’s face known to me, I’m ready.
I often I confuse blessings with earthly things. If I think that is a blessing, my view of blessing is much too low. That isn’t blessing. Blessing is seeing the Lord turn something really evil into something really good. Blessing is walking through deep, deep sin and seeing redemption finally come. Blessing is looking in the face of the bruised and broken hearted and knowing that Jesus loves them and died for them. Deep blessing deals with our hearts and the experiences that matter in eternity, not something that temporarily makes us happy. And for this to happen we have to be willing to sacrifice. I truly do believe that sacrifice = blessing. It’s really hard, and often, we don’t see it right away, but that’s when we have to trust that God is good. Leaving for the Race is going to be hard, and I’ve had to do some really hard things in preparation. But it’s in the hard things that I’m more convinced than ever that the Lord is good. God’s economy is upside down. I can’t be afraid of the unknown and hardship because that is when the Lord shouts, and I’m able to see his faithfulness and love. And it is indescribably beautiful.
I can’t wait to start the race and live with the extraordinary people who will be on this journey. The Lord has already taught me and my squad so much, and I know He’ll teach us so much more. Praise the Lord for His faithfulness and pursuit of my heart even when I wasn’t open to it. The Lord is good, and I know he has good things in store.
