For the record, I'm writing this blog in tears. Tears of longing…longing to be all that Jesus asks, longing to do all that He commands. And tonight, that command is something simple. To some, it may even seem silly.
In Luke 12:33, Jesus says, "Sell your possessions and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven! And the purses of heaven never get old or develop holes. Your treasure will be safe; no thief can steal it and no moth can destroy it."
About a year ago, the Lord pressed upon my heart that I was to take this literally. At some point in my life, I was to sell everything so that I could give to those in need. So that I could GO to those in need.
For the most part, I am not materialistic, so I didn't have a problem with this command. Then, I basically had this conversation with God:
Me: Lord, I would absolutely give up everything to go to the nations! Just put people in my path who will purchase my things, and I'll do it!
God: Oh really? You'd give up EVERYTHING?
Me: Yes! Of course I would!
God: All of the dishes you bought for your future home one day?
Me: Definitely.
God: All of the books you cherish and love?
Me: That might be a little more difficult, but I would!
God: Your computer?
Me: Ha. Yes. I spend most of my time frustrated with it anyways. It would be a little bit of an adjustment, but I wouldn't miss it all that much.
God: You seem pretty serious about this.
Me: I am, I am! Anything to share Your name with people who haven't heard it!
God: Hmmm, there's one more thing, though.
Me: Yes, God! I will sell it! You don't even have to ask!
God: So you would sell your Cricut machine?
Me: Ohhhhhh. Well, um, actually, I don't know…I waited a long time for that. I use it a lot, and it would be a great ministry tool! I could bring it to the world with me. It would help me prepare Sunday School lessons and activities…
God: Jenna, I know it will be difficult, but will you please sell it?
Unfortunately, that is where this conversation ends. That was a year ago, and my Cricut machine is still sitting in my craft room, waiting to be "taken to the nations". For those of you wondering, a Cricut machine is a die cutting tool used to cut out thousands and thousands of different shapes and fonts and such. I use it a lot for making cards, doing projects, and creating scrapbooks. It would be a great tool in an orphanage one day.
But for now, God is asking me to sell it. And that hurts. Like I said, this may sound silly to some. But I just can't seem to let go!
Tonight, God challenged me with that question again. Except this time He made it seem more urgent:
God: Jenna, I have much to give you! Much to show you!
Me: Ahh! I can't wait to see it all! You are so good to me!
God: But Jenna, first I'd like you to be faithful to me in one thing.
Me: Yes God! Anything!
God: I'd like you to sell your Cricut.
Me: Ohhhh. I'm not ready yet…
God: Let me ask you this: if your sister or one of your best friends were living in poverty, what would you do to help them?
Me: Oh Lord, I'd do anything!
God: Would you even sell your Cricut?
Me: Absolutely! Without a second thought! Their well-being is worth so much more than that silly machine!!
God: (I imagine with tears in His eyes) Oh Jenna, that is how I feel about my children all around the world! I wish you could grasp that, because if you did, you wouldn't have a second thought about selling your Cricut machine!
Me: (also in tears at this point) I get it now. Oh how deeply I get it. You've broken my heart for Your children. Tonight, I resolve to do whatever it takes to help them.
God: Even if that means selling your Cricut machine?
Me: Yes Lord, even that. They are worth so much more than that silly machine.
So that's it. With tears in my eyes and a hurting heart, I'm giving up my Cricut for the purposes of the Kingdom. Silly? Maybe a little. But a struggle none the less. A struggle that took a year to resolve. A struggle that probably won't be completely over until I'm holding another orphan or praying for another sick man. At that point, I will look down and say "You are worth SO much more than my silly Cricut machine."
I am choosing to be faithful in this small thing, and trusting that God will be faithful in the bigger things. My challenge to you is the same. If God is leading you to sell even the smallest thing or give even the smallest amount, DO IT! Whether it is to my missions trip or to another ministry, DO IT! And share your stories with me! Let's sit back and watch how God moves when we are willing to obey in the simplest of forms.
