If you haven’t been able to tell from my blogs, this year has been hard. Personally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, it’s been really hard. But a huge part of why it’s been so hard is because of all the pain and suffering there is around the world that you experience for just a month, and then move onto the next country to experience more pain and suffering.
In Cambodia it was the sex trafficking and the poverty, in Swaziland it was the lack of love for the children and the HIV/AIDS pandemic, in Laos it was the constant state of fear the people live in due to idol and demon worship, in Namibia it was the abuse and the extreme poverty that over 50% of the population lives in. Every country was something else, and every month required me to sit at God’s feet and say, “it’s too much, help me, comfort me, I don’t know how to process all this pain”.
It’s something that I’m really worried about as I think about going home. I can’t expect people to understand the things I saw and the people I met, and the pain associated with that. No matter how many pictures I show or stories I tell, nothing can compare to actually holding the child crying from extreme hunger, and not having any food to quench it. That’s an indescribable feeling.
But at the same time, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I would rather live with the burden on my heart for these people, these places, and these tragedies than live in oblivion. I would rather go to bed crying being comforted by my Father than be at home in my bed, falling peacefully asleep. This year has opened my eyes to more tragedy than I thought my heart could handle, and it’s given me such a beautiful picture of how much our Father loves us. If I can feel this for people I only know for a short period of time, how much more must He hurt and weep for us, who loves us immeasurably more than I ever could?
Yes, there’s pain and suffering in the world. It hurts, and it’s hard to handle. It scares me to think about going home and having to try and explain why I don’t know how to talk about this year. Even writing about it, I feel like I’m never going to be able to do the people I’ve met justice because retelling their story could never compare to hearing it first hand. So please be patient with us racers coming home; we’re going to do our best to communicate what we’re feeling, and that’s really hard.
Month 2, our host who lives in one of the most dangerous slums in Central America said to us, “if you go throughout this whole year and go home unchanged, shame on you. Shame on you.” And that’s so true. Shame on us if we go through life unchanged by the pain and suffering around us. No, not everyone is called overseas to third world countries to see that kind of pain and suffering, but it’s happening in our own backyard. We just need to open our eyes and ask God for His heart for His people.
And maybe that’s the point, to be so burdened by something that you have to do something about it to make the world a better place; to save souls, to bring them to God. I hope everyone in this world is burdened by something, otherwise, maybe you’re not paying close enough attention to the souls around you. I believe God created us each uniquely to be burdened by different problems, so there are groups of people working towards a common goal in all areas of life. What are you burdened by? Extreme poverty? Sex trafficking? Abuse? Lost teenagers? The lack of discipleship in the US? Orphaned children? Great, now, go do something about it.
God bless,
Jenna
