He was teenage homeless boy who was sitting on the steps of a filthy platform in the bus terminal. As we walked past him to go get breakfast before our bus to Cameron Highlands, he barked at me and flailed his limbs. Unfortunately, this isn’t an uncommon experience when you’re in the cities and there’s a large homeless population. But this boy was different. As we came back downstairs with our donuts and iced coffee, God spoke to me and said to go buy him a donut. So I did, and as I knelt down to say hello to him and ask his name, I realized he was speaking in groans, and obviously had some mental problems. We sat with him for a moment, and then walked back down the stairs, noticing the confused looks from the people also waiting.
The title of my blog is “Meet Daniel”, but I really don’t know his name. He wasn’t able to communicate, and I have no idea if that gesture meant anything other than he wouldn’t be as hungry for the next hour or so. But, what I did notice, is that love is contagious. Those confused people seemed to have a reversal of thought about this boy after seeing him receive this donut. Those same people who stepped over him as he laid sprawled across the stairs, those same people who avoided eye contact and ignored him, started walking up the steps and handing him money.
If I’m learning anything this year, it’s that the best way to spread the Gospel is to love. And loving is hard. As I stood at the bottom of the stairs looking up at the boy who was now waving at my team any time we looked, my heart hurt. Where does he live? Who takes care of him? Does he know he’s a son of God who loves him more than he’ll ever know? I wish this was the only time I’ve felt that pain this year. But it’s hard to describe those experiences in a blog.
I’d like to apologize for not sharing the experiences with you all that I deem commonplace. Those interactions and conversations that God leads us to that are really nothing more than encouraging believers or befriending someone who no one else seems to want to talk to. These are my every day experiences, and in those experiences, God is showing me aspects of himself that I don’t know how I’d learn at home. It’s easy to write blogs about everything God is doing inwardly- those I know for certain and can explain.
But it’s hard to explain the hurt in your heart as you hold a sleeping abandoned newborn, weeping knowing that one day he’s going to find out his earthly parents never came back to the hospital for him. You can’t photograph the feeling of walking into a brothel and seeing bed after bed separated by a curtain, with a woman in each one waiting for a man to come in and purchase her for 3 hours. It’s hard to put into words the emotions of praying for a middle aged woman who’s moved to tears by the presence of the Holy Spirit. It’s hard to explain the heartbreak you experience knowing the thousands of people you’re passing worshipping false gods may never know the truth. You can’t accurately explain what it’s like to live in community day in and day out and have people constantly telling you how to improve yourself, simply because they love you so much and want you to be better and become the person God created you to be.
And to be honest, I didn’t think anyone wanted to know these things. These things aren’t the “glamorous” missionary lifestyle that’s portrayed on instagram and facebook. It may look like I’m having all these great adventures and going all these cool places, which I am, but I’m not taking selfies of my puffy, red eyes after crying my eyes out because sometimes these situations mentioned above seem so hopeless. I feel the pain; when you ask God for His eyes and His heart for His children, He delivers. What you see are my once-a-week off days, when we do get the opportunity to do some awesome things. Heck, I’m 95% sure I won’t be going back to a majority of the countries I’m going to, so why wouldn’t we make the most of our off days? But I want to apologize if it seems like I’m on a year long vacation. It’s just hard to explain daily life and make it sound interesting. I haven’t led anyone in the sinner’s prayer, I haven’t openly shared the Gospel with someone who’s never heard of Jesus, and I haven’t done a lot of what I assumed a missionary does. But I can tell you one thing I have done: loved people. I’ve loved people until it hurts and I don’t think I can take it anymore, and then Jesus gets to step in and teach me from that pain. I’ve emotionally invested in people in every country we’ve been to, because you can’t share the Gospel with someone you don’t have a relationship with. They need to trust you and know you love them before you even have a chance at speaking to them about God’s love.
If you’re wondering where your financial support is going, it’s going towards loving people all around the world. I pray that sometime during this year I’ll be able to share the Gospel like I’ve dreamed of, but right now I’m building relationships with those God has called me to, and serving ministries in any way I can support them. Sometimes that ministry is strictly praying for 8 hours a day like in Costa Rica, sometimes it’s changing dirty diapers and doing laundry like in Honduras, and sometimes it’s sitting on the curb with a homeless man praying for healing and listening to his story.
There have been so many amazing moments that my team and I have had these past five months, but there have been an equal number of hard ones, too. I’ll be better about writing on those experiences as well. I told you at the beginning of my race that I wanted you all to journey with me, and to properly allow you to do that, I’ll do my best to put into words the people I meet and the stories we get to hear. Thank you for your grace in that, and even as I finish this blog, these words don’t seem to do it justice. But I promise to try my best and share what I can. I hope this gives a better representation of what the Race has looked like so far!
God bless,
Jenna
