Even though training camp was last month the things I saw in myself are still shaking me. That week of intense community brought out so many emotions in me that I honestly wasn’t prepared for. I totally thought my baggage was unloaded and completely taken care of. Naturally it just wasn’t! I worked through a lot the past few years and thought I had progressed tremendously, which I really have in some areas, but of coarse there is always room for more. The theme of healing keeps being shown to me, its something I’m constantly seeking but still realize I need more. I started going through intentional healing with a counselor about 8 months ago and hesitated in the beginning because I knew it would break me down. As I kept drawing closer to my heavenly father he whispered a few times in my doubt ” your healing isn’t just for you”. What does that even mean I thought? I know God wants to use my pain and my story but how he wants to use it was something I wasn’t prepared for. Does that mean I need to share my pain and story more-uggh I don’t want to do that I thought. God gently reminded me during training camp how he has me there to open up to new people and share! As basic as that sounds I honestly can say I struggled with that. I really take time warming up to people, once I do warm up, no sweat I can talk awhile. But I need to feel safe, and trust my story will be treasured before I can allow that part of me to be known, and that takes more time for me than your average joe. So it dawned on me during my moments of being guarded like fort knox, some people who may need to hear my story will be total strangers in a unforeseen moment that will not come again .How does one get warmed up for that- I asked the father?Start being more vulnerable was the response I received. So I slowly through the week started being open with my struggles,my fears,my past and a cool thing started happening, I noticed I wasn’t struggling alone I could relate with my squadmates in some deeply similar ways. It took a couple days and courage but I started to understand more of the whisper of healing spoke to me. The last few days Ive had healing spoke over me again, healing spoke as a gift of mine in speech and healing taking place inside of me.I know I haven’t mastered sharing but I know Im inching closer to full healing the more the spirit reveals truth in me to share. So perhaps the next time your guarded you can have the courage to share transparency of yourself- healing may just take place!
Here is a verse or two that through my healing I keep hearing-Psalm 91
Exodus 14:14-The Lord will fight for you-you need only to be still
Ezekiel 36:26
