In My Head

 
Month 11. Where has all the time gone? When did I get to this place, and how did this year go by so quickly? We arrived in Kuala Lumpur – the land of sky scrapers – a few days ago and are leaving here tonight to take a train seven hours north to our final ministry site. I look forward to it as much as possible, though it seems surreal and I cannot truly grasp that I was just on my last flight with all of A-squad.

I admit that at the moment, I’m at a Starbucks, listening to music and writing a blog, with a green tea latte by my computer. I thought I would branch out and try something new, but to be honest I think it tastes a bit like grass. I should have stuck with coffee and chocolate. Maybe Jason Derulo's song just came on shuffle.

Jesus has been teaching me a lot this year and as I continue to process through it the lessons become easier and easier to see. I know that I’ve learned a lot, but if you ask me as a whole what I’ve learned in these past 10 months, it’s hard to say. When I go month by month, week by week, day by day, I can put my finger on his presence, on his words, on his instruction. I have spent these past few days – our last in Saigon, and then here in KL, attempting to put all of my thoughts in order. It’s a hard task, one that will take longer than I have out here, one that I surely will continue when I leave.
 
I’m actually embarking on the final leg of this trip. A trip that has been in the works for over a year and a half by now. One that I’ve been thinking about and dreaming about since 2009. It’s almost over? When did that happen? I’m really in Malaysia, a place where India, Africa and Asia all mix into one conglomeration of beauty. Where I’ve seen people more striking than any I knew existed. Where there are flowers in the market of brighter colors than I would have imagined. Where sky scrapers surround me and malls are multi-floored.

People have been asking me if it was worth it. Was it worth raising support, relying upon others for my food and protection and daily needs? Was it worth it to be away from my friends and family for 11 months, ripped away from a context that I knew and loved? Was it worth being uncomfortable a lot of the time, and ignorant of a lot? Was it worth having things that weren’t in my control and that I didn’t have a say in?
           

 
I have been incredibly blessed and it’s hard to see anything but that blessing as I reach the end of this road. How could I not be thankful, and grateful for the time I’ve been out on the field? This trip was one that I’m certainly not going to forget, one that I will hold in my memory for years to come, one that shaped me and taught me more than I thought possible.
           
I’ve changed. The reality is that you can’t come on The World Race and go home the same. It honestly isn’t possible. I look at myself, and I know that I’m not who I was one year ago.
 
True, I’m still me. I still love Converse shoes and soccer and bright colors. I still am obsessed with history, and justice. I still think that British accents are the most beautiful things in the world. I’m still me, but better. I’m a better version of myself. I’m more like the me that I’m supposed to be, the one the Lord intended for me to be all along.
 
I’ve learned how to use my camera and have seen the beauty of the Lord through a lens. I have made new friends and seen new cultures, and I don’t think I’ll ever get over just how beautiful this Earth is and how good my Papa is.
 

My brain is on overload, wondering what He has in store for me in these upcoming weeks, knowing that I want the most out of this as possible. I want to all out sprint to the finish, give it all I’ve got, and go home knowing that every moment of this was worth my being here. That there was purpose in it and goodness from it.
 
America, I’ll see you soon. But first I have some unfinished business to attend.