Have you ever been unable to hear?
Say you go to a rock concert and forget your earplugs. The sound is so deafening that you literally can’t hear for awhile, until your brain and your ears calm down and you get back to normal. Have you experienced that?
Throughout my life, I’ve had fabulous hearing. I’ve been able to hear things that I shouldn’t, from further than I should. The only time I have ever had issues is when I go swimming. I tend to get water trapped in my ears, and for a few hours my hearing is rendered a bit muted. It’s unfortunate, but it goes away.
Usually.
This time it didn’t.
I spent a lot of Thailand in the water, which was such an amazing blessing. Our team went to the beach, went to the pool, went to waterfalls. The first day we went swimming, I couldn’t hear for a few hours. That evening, I had to ask my teammates to repeat themselves a few times, but it eventually got better.
Then one day, it wouldn’t go away.
And I didn’t hear out of my left ear for about two weeks straight. I tried everything I could think of to get it back to normal, but it wouldn’t go away.
It became pretty frustrating. Teammates would have a conversation three feet away from me and I wouldn’t know it. A few times, they talked about me to see if I could hear them. I couldn’t. When I put in my headphones, I only could hear in the right one. My teammates had to repeat themselves two or three times before I caught on. The world was muted, and there was nothing I could do about it.
At my wit’s end, I spent our last church service in Chanthaburi praying about it.
“Jesus, I’m tired of not hearing. Literally, I haven’t been able to hear properly in weeks and it sucks. I don’t know how to fix it. Please fix it; I want to hear. It refuses to be changed, I’ve tried everything I know. I can’t find anyway to change it.”
The next day, it was clear and I could hear again.
Seems like a lame story, right?
This is where things got interesting.
We get to Siem Reap for our debrief, and our squad leaders Phillip and Christy flew in to meet us. The second day we’re there, Christy speaks and asks if someone has been having issues with their ears. With a quizzical look on my face, I raise my hand. She nods, says, “I knew it was you” and continues.
The Lord had given her insight into my situation, even while she was in America. I hadn’t told her about it or mentioned it to her. No one but my team really knew at all. It hadn’t come up since the beginning of debrief because heck – it was better!
What she said went something like this:
You haven’t been able to hear physically because you can’t hear spiritually. You hear from God but right now you’re trying to ignore it. It wasn’t a physical ailment, it was connected to your spirit. God's been trying to tell you something big, something that you don’t want to accept right now. So you tried not listening. Which didn't really work, did it? The mute on your ears was directly connected to you attempting to ignore what He’s trying to tell you. I promise you it’s worth listening to.
Jaw hanging open…
What?!
The thing is, I can’t even argue with it because in my spirit, I know it’s true. About a week into the deafening quiet, I had the exact same idea. I knew that it wasn’t merely my ears. There have been a few things that I haven’t wanted to deal with. I’ve been telling God that we’ll deal with them later. I haven’t been listening very well. There are a few things that He and I are currently fighting about. But how could I ignore him after a stunt like that?
Even if it’s the strangest way possible.
Jesus loves me enough to get my attention.
