This is the hardest blog I’ve ever had to write. I put it off for so long and now I finally wrote it.
As all of you knew, I was in the midst of preparing and fundraising for the World Race. I had met my squad and my team, went through training, and even spent a weekend in Wisconsin with some of them. Ever since I was accepted to the Race, it had been evident to me that I would struggle with fundraising. I struggled to meet the first deadline and I was two weeks away from launch while still being a significant number away from my second goal.
About a week ago, after a hard conversation, heavy prayer, and lots of wrestling with the answer Papa gave me, it is with a heavy heart I say that I will no longer be going on the Race with Gap L. After lots of prayer, my heart shattered when I was told “not right now” from Papa. I was confused, angry and heartbroken. Confused as to why He would let me meet all these amazing people and be apart of such a great community, and come so close to launch, just to be told not right now. Angry that I had been obedient to the calling He had given me and be told not right now. Heartbroken, that I would not be spending the next 9 months with some of the best people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting and getting so stoked to live with them just to be told not right now.
After making the decision to not go, I began having the difficult conversations with people explaining why I wasn’t going anymore. Some of the responses I got were very sympathetic and loving, however, some of them said things along the lines of ‘I’m sorry, I know how much you wanted to travel’. While I appreciate their kind words, hearing phrases like that from people made me realize that this was much more than just a chance to see the world. That while I was looking forward to that aspect, I was so excited and ready to live life with my squad and see what God had in store to teach us this year. The Race, to me, became so much more than an excuse to leave Iowa and travel. It was a chance to see and bring change in the world. In the same vein, I can’t explain the amount of support and love I have received from all those I’ve already told and I am so incredibly thankful for it.
As I sat and processed this new change, and receiving words of wisdom from lots of others, I can now say that I’m feeling a sense of peace toward this. While I am sad to stay home as my squad gets ready to launch in a few days, I know there is purpose in this. I know that Papa is faithful in His promises and that if missions is something He truly has for me, He will make a way. Now is just not the time. He still has things he wants to work on in me and show me before He sends me.
For now, I am waiting to see what He has in store for me in this season. Even though I’m with familiarity in the States, I’m walking into an unknown future. Unknown where this year might take me and I’m excited to see where He leads me. I’m even more pumped to see what He does for my squad this year. They’re going to do incredible things for Papa and I ask that all of you be praying for them as they prepare for Romania in just a few short days!
To finish out my blog, I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of those who supported me, either financially, prayerfully, or bought me gear. Your love and support for my journey to this point has meant the world to me. I can’t thank any of you enough for your generosity.
Even though I didn’t raise the funds, Papa really showed me that when He wants to, He can and will provide. Because even though He didn’t provide for me to go on the Race now, He provided for me to go to training camp. Where I learned and experienced incredible things that I never would’ve at home.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; Do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6
