Romania
Expectation:
- the act or state of looking forward to or anticipating
- regarding as likely to happen
- to look for with reason or justification
Other than to, in some way, come back changed for the better, I had thought that I was going into this experience without any expectations. I knew I would be dirty and uncomfortable. I knew I would have to eat crazy and sometimes downright disgusting things. I knew I would never be alone, that I would constantly be surrounded by anywhere from 6 to 49 other people at any given time. I knew I would be freezing cold, burning hot, unprepared, sore, frustrated, and weary. I knew. I knew. I knew…
But knowing and understanding, I have found, are not necessarily the same thing. And expecations are not always so black and white. Some expectations are built into us from the ground up. In the United States, the majority of us are fortunate enough to be able to expect to have a roof over our heads, clothes on our back, and food in our stomachs. I've never been so cold in my life as I have this month in Romania, or had to work so hard to figure out what I can buy to feed 14 people for a week and still stay within our $300 budget. I have never seen such poverty as I have here, and I expect that that statement will be even truer when we arrive in Africa in a couple weeks. And I have never experienced a culture more complacent about theft. It is, quite simply, expected. (We have had gypsy children just walk right into our house, while we are sitting there, take food off our counter, and walk right back out.)
And yet, more than physical expectations, I've had to let go of perceptions of how one should act. I've always believed everyone should take their turn, split up the work fairly, but honestly this is not always the reality. Sometimes some people, whether due to talent or circumstance, end up doing the lions share of the work. As I stood at the sink cleaning up dishes for the 14 person dinner I had just prepared, I felt resentment that I had done so much of the work. Granted everyone had chipped in a bit, but I had, I felt, done more than anyone else. And as I stood there, soaping up a dish, I realized that I had an expecation that life should be fair. I began to understand that doing something begrudingly, and with a crummy attitude, hurt everyone around me more than if I had just left the work for someone else. Now I'm that pissy person sitting in the corner, bringing everyone down. I have continually asked others for grace, yet where was mine for them?
We so often choose not to expect good things in life, because we're afraid to be disappointed. But the fact is, that by doing so, we are choosing to expect disappointment. We CAN choose what to expect. And I'm choosing to expect joy. I may not be able to change my circumstance, I may be asked to cook and clean every single day, but I can choose to serve others, to bless others, with a joyful and glad heart.
　
Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again – rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do…
Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise…
Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.
-Philippians 4: 4-8
　
