Peru
I remember when I was a kid asking my uncle which of his daughters he loved more. He got down on one knee, looked me in the eye, and told me that he loved them all equally. He explained to me that a parent does not play favorites. That Love is big enough for Everyone. If we are God's children, then how much MORE must he LOVE us? All of us? No matter who we are, where we come from, or what we do. I have no idea how to love like that. That Love is big, all encompasing. It is obsessed and focused. It is unselfish, generous to a fault. It is gracious and forgiving. That love sees me as beautiful when I know that I am more than flawed.
I have such a hard time loving others, especially people I am easily annoyed by or who are very different from myself. I feel so judgemental and hard. My love is so conditional. I recognize it and yet feel as if I am standing outside myself unable to change it. And so, I asked God to teach me how to Love, to show me what REAL love looks like. I did not expect Him to do so through sickness. But then, how awesome is it that God works good things from bad…
Last week was a tough one… practically my whole team was sick in some way or another. The house the boys stay at looked like a hospital ward – two beds pushed together with one person laid next to another, each encased in their mummy bags, clutching a bottle of electrolights. Allison joined the boys in their stomach issues, after she started recovering from her throat infection, while Rikki and I fought our way through some nasty colds. As a result of said cold, I couldn't sleep the other night. There was so much pressure in my head, I had such a hard time breathing and I was so exhausted and frustrated, all I could do was lay in my bed crying and praying for morning to come. And then I heard a quiet knock on my door. Feli, the daughter of my host family, peaked her head in and asked if she could make me some hot water with lemon. I felt horrible for having woken her with my coughing and nose blowing, but she was so gracious that I agreed. As I sat in the living room, sipping my water, my host mother, Nana, and host brother, Anthony, emerged. The two of them sat with me while Feli massaged my head with lemon (I had an awesome hairdo the next day!). I appologized for waking them all up, I felt so bad, but they simply replied: You are our daughter and sister. You are family. I started crying all over again. That night, they showed me what Love was. It's sitting with a sick stranger at 4am, even when their is nothing more you can do than simply hold their hand. The love they showed me was so beautiful and real and I was so honored. So even through my sickness, God blessed me.
And so, things are good here. I mean really good. I don't know what it is about Peru, but it is so much better than Ecuador. Maybe it's because we're paired with another team this month, which has been a huge blessing… the girls on the other team have so much energy and joy (they do everything full out and loudly!) – it's infectious. And it's been wonderful to be in one place, as opposed to all the travel we did last month. I feel like i've finally found a peace here. I feel like I've stopped running… to and away. I think I started this journey expecting change to happen in my life right away and I was so focused on how to change and on what I was going to do when I got back to 'REAL' life. I've finally stopped. I've finally found a contentment in being where I am at the present moment. I don't need to worry about later. God will take care of later. I am here, right now, in Peru, surrounded by awesome men and women (both in our 2 teams, and in the our host families), working with kids in the community, evangalizing, doing music ministy in the park, and learning how to Love… and I'm happy to be exactly where I am.
(…although, I can't say I don't still wish fondly for a chick-fil-a on occasion! 🙂
