At the end of month two I felt full, I felt alive, I felt brand new! We spent our second month is Swaziland as a whole squad. Our ministry looked different each day, some days consisted of going to our teams assigned carepoint and loving on kiddos, others consisted of shoveling and moving bricks from one pile to the next, and others consisted of rooting for our carepoints soccer team at a local tournament run through a soccer/discipleship program, and evangelizing through it all. Ministry was great, but I really felt as though Swazi was a month of self reflection, healing, and growth.
The Lord had a plan for what Swazi was going to look like for me and it was unlike anything I would have imagined. It started with me being disciplined in waking up each morning and spending at least two hours with him each day, in the word, in worship, and in prayer. I desired a deep rooted intimacy with my Abba and knew that this was how to make that happen. It started off slow, getting easily distracted, feeling like I wasn’t getting much out of the word, and each day there would be a new level reached. I noticed small changes such as a renewed energy even though I was waking up early, a unexplainable joyful outlook to each day, I began to feel as though I had reached the intimacy that far surpassed the ‘surface level’ relationship I had been engaging in for the longest time. I got excited to wake up each morning and have my coffee date with Jesus. Distractions faded, and it felt like it was just Him and me in the room. We would talk about everything! I would sit and be still, and listen. Slowly I began to discern when he was trying to speak. I became more in tune to his voice, and what a beautiful thing that was!
I later went through an inner healing session with our squad mentor Teresa, and a squad mate Jarren. What that means is I basically sat in an intimate setting as if I was having quiet time, but Teresa and Jarren were there to be interceding with prayer the entire time. Teresa was posing questions for me to bring to the Lord and then I listened for what He wanted to speak into each question. The goal of these sessions is to be taken back to a memory that may not be too pretty, that you have kept buried for a long time, that is the root of lies you may believe, fear you may be walking in, doubt you are experiencing, etc. The Lord takes you back to those memories and shows you where he was in the memory along with what he wants to tell you, and it brings so much healing. I didn’t know what to expect going into it, especially being pretty new to this whole ‘listening for the Lords voice’ thing. I can’t put into words how beautiful this experience was for me. I have never felt a more intimate setting with the Lord, ever! So much was brought to light and redeemed in this time with Him. I walked out of the room feeling like a new person! I was so filled with joy that I had a smile I couldn’t wipe away, and I felt so FREE!
My quiet times in the mornings after that were even more intimate than before and I couldn’t believe what I had been missing out on all these years. Quiet time was now something that was so much more than just checking off a box on my Christian check list! Swazi then came to an end and I was sad to leave but excited to continue this journey with this new found drive to pursue intimacy with the Lord.
We were headed to Pinetown, South Africa next, where we would be spending the month working alongside an organization called Hope House. This organization is a home for babies who have been abandoned where they are fostered by two amazing women until they are able to be placed in a forever home. It’s an amazing organization and these babies are able to have food to eat, a roof over their heads, and most importantly receive the love of Jesus through these women. We were blessed to be 7 extra vessels the Lord used to show these kiddos His love and also bring a breath of fresh air to the women who run this house on their own every day! After being in Pinetown for a few days I realized that I subconsciously had built up a list of expectations for the month and if met them, this month would be a comfortable and smooth sailing. But my expectations weren’t met so I was uncomfortable.
Our living quarters were very tight, our schedules were sparatic. I had a really hard time walking with a kingdom mindset, I felt very homesick, our whole team got sick, I felt distracted and felt as though I wasn’t hearing from the Lord. Basically I got discouraged and did the day to day without pressing in or digging deep. I realized pretty quick that the enemy was at work this month and I was letting him win by giving into these things. I talked to my team about it and a lot my teammates could relate, one of which pointed out a comparison of when Jesus was baptized and then led into the wilderness for 40 days where he was tempted. This month was my wilderness, but I didn’t respond as I should have. Rather than pushing past all the things that the enemy was throwing my way and pressing into the Lord, I gave into them. One of our last nights in South Africa we got together as a team and spent intentional time in prayer, and listening for what the Lord desires for this upcoming month in Vietnam. This was the first time all month that I had done this and there He was. He has been waiting for me to reach out, He hasn’t left.
So a little back story, wildflowers have been a recurring theme when it comes to the Lord speaking to me, whether it be a vision he gives me, a word or vision he gives someone else for me. When I was asking the Lord for a word for Vietnam very clearly he spoke growth like wildflowers. So I pressed in. What does He mean by that? Then it clicked! There are wildflowers that can grow in the midst of a blizzard, or a drought, when all other plant life dies. The reason being that they are rooted so deeply that the weather conditions can’t kill them and that is what the Lord desired for me next month. He wants us to be so deeply rooted in him and His word that no drought or storm can shake us, or prevent us from experiencing growth. It was a beautiful image and something that I am keeping on the forefront of my mind entering into this next month.
While in Vietnam my team has been given the ministry assignment of finding unsung heroes. That means we travel around Vietnam each week following the Lords lead in looking for new ministries for AIM to partner with in the future. This month will be completely spirit led and in order to be in tune to where the spirit may be leading we have to be rooted. So here’s to a new start and experiencing growth like wildflowers in Vietnam!
