Wow wow wow.
Honestly my heart is aching with so much fire right now I don’t even know how to begin.
These past few weeks I have sat for hours and hours before the Lord wanting nothing more then to revel in His glory.
I can’t describe to you the ache in my heart. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever felt in my entire life. It consumes me and leaves me gasping for more of Jesus.
If everything in my life were to fall away it would be okay. If nobody were to read this blog I could care less. I don’t care if I sound crazy.
The only thing I want is more of Him.
My heart literally feels like it is burning up and so I NEED to let the passion out. I am so full I need to let something out, lest I explode (isn’t that a crazy visual- exploding with the love of Jesus. SO COOL)
Guys I just have to say that full surrender is necessary for true contentment.
Gosh I feel like I finally get it. For years I thought I understood, but I only understood through the lense of my own desires.
All my life I have tried to integrate Jesus into my life instead of surrendering to Him.
Keeping my comforts, keeping my desire to be “relatable,” honestly I was consumed with my desire to please people. I operated from a place of wanting to serve Jesus but needing praises from others in order to function.
I constantly doubted that I could be satisfied In Him. But I never gave Him a real chance. I was prideful and selfish. I thought I knew what was best for me.
Which was a little bit of Jesus BUT NOT TOO MUCH or it could get weird (what a joke)
I integrated Him into my life and every time I screwed up I begged Him to forgive me.
But if I was begging Him to forgive me doesn’t it mean I doubted He ever would?
I was enslaved to myself. I had never fully surrendered myself. How was He supposed to take over?
He couldn’t.
But now….Now He has. A couple weeks ago I saw Jesus perform miracles. I was broken by the ways He moved through me even though I still doubted Him.
And one day I just had enough. I stood in a hostel in Val Parisio, Chile and yelled out the window with all my might, “FROM THIS DAY FORWARD I CHOOSE FULL SURRENDER.”
and this time, I really mean it.
I am done walking on egg shells and tiptoeing around righteousness.
JESUS IS EVERYTHING.
It’s amazing man. Really it is.
My soul soars with contentment.
All I want is to know Him more.
I can’t contain my excitement. I want everyone to know. Call me naïve, I don’t care.
I know who I am in the eyes of my Father. And nothing else matters.
This is an all in or all out kind of deal. Half a$$ and Jesus do not live in the same circle. I promise you, I have lived there. And it’s mediocre. Its pretty dang miserable.
But this man. This is life. I literally can’t stop myself from telling people.
Life with Jesus is a glorious exchange. Death for life. Sinfulness for righteousness. Doubt for faith. Humanness for Godliness. ITS EVERYTHING.
And it’s there for the taking.
I can’t afford to be half in anymore. IT’S NOT WORTH IT. People need me. They need us.
People need us to be so consumed by the love of our Father that we can’t contain ourselves. They need us to be walking the streets jumping at the chance to tell them Jesus loves them.
We can’t afford to be half in anymore. And I am here to tell you there is an indescribable passionate glorious love waiting for you on the other side.
One where you believe in miracles. One where you stop to pray for everyone not because you are trying to fit a Christian mold but because you are bursting at the seams with the furious love of Christ.
Let’s stop straddling the line and go ALL IN.
I am not trying to be harsh or condemning at all. Those are not words that live in my heart. AT ALL.
It’s just I have found the thing worth dying for. It’s the one who died for me.
I have realized my worth and I doing so I have also realized yours.
And it is INFINITE. Just give you up and let him in. You won’t be disappointed. I promise.
JESUS LOVES YOU. And it takes full surrender to finally realize He has had your best interest in mind all along.
“For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that His life may be revealed in our mortal body”
2 Corinthians 4:11
Disclaimer: I waited a week and a half to post this. And I am still falling more and more everyday for my savior. This is the real deal.
I Freaking love you all & so does He. Thank you for the generous support financially and spiritually. Mean it.
