Hola Amigos!
All is well in Costa Rica and I am proud to report that team tharseo is settling in nicely. Our days have been filled with ministry, laughs, and some tears. The beginnings of building intimate community is taxing on all of us at the moment.
Almost like planting a garden. Right now in our relationships as a team we are planting. Sweating, digging holes and with aching backs we are burying our seedlings. Only to sit with patience as they spring forth, bringing with them new disciplines and petals of mercy that we may set on one another’s bedside tables each night.
We are eager to see how the flowers of our relationships bloom as the days and weeks push on.
We are all realizing new things about who we are (good and bad) and with that we fall deeper and deeper into humility.
Just yesterday was a bit of a heart changing day for me.
It’s crazy how big revelations are not necessarily bound up by time. Some take years to stumble upon, some….. only 4 days.
Yesterday I learned that I am not a blessing.
As I woke up yesterday I remember being so excited to go and show some kids how loved they are. We did a lot of manual labor the first few days so I was excited to finally hold some babies. Or Niños de Dios as my teammate Jess likes to call them.
When we arrived at our location we were informed that the place where the children stayed was a home for kids whose parents were deemed unfit to care for them. We were not allowed to take any pictures and I will not be using any details or real names in order to protect the safety of the kids.
When we walked in got super giddy at the chance to play with babies (you know how girls get). And as I searched around the room looking for a little one to play with.
Only to realize that they all got picked by my other teammates.
As I stood there feeling a little useless a sweet three year old girl whom I will call Katherine came up to me and took my hand. She continued to then pull me outside and motioned up towards the trees, wanting me to pull down leaves for her.
It did not take long to figure out she was not like the others. She was special needs and it was apparent. I asked one of the women who worked there and figured out she has autism.
She continued to make me pull down leaves from trees. She would then take my hand and lead me inside. She had me set the leaves in a pile on the ground and then she would make me sit down and she would then sit in my lap and make me rub her back for about 30 seconds. She would then get up, and do it again, pulling me outside for more leaves.
This process repeated itself for a good 30 minutes before I began to get frustrated. I tried to tell her to stop picking leaves so that I could pull her inside and we could sit and play together. She only responded by throwing fits and was insistent about what she wanted to do. (A girl after my own heart.)
To be honest I was mad because I wanted to leave an impact on this girl’s life. I wanted to sit inside with her and play quietly speaking kind words to her. I didn’t want to be running around in the heat tearing leaves off of trees.
My inner dialogue was screaming, “I am here to do ministry and show you how loved you are…..and all you want to do is pick leaves.”
I was being ignorant and extremely prideful.
As the day wore on after a brief ego check I continued to pick leaves and sticks with her making small perfect piles on the kitchen floor and then sitting for a brief moment of peace as I rubbed her back.
As my frustration subsided, my tenderness rushed forth.
The day ended and we left.
Walking out the door I was near tears and I had a pretty big realization.
I came on the World Race to be a blessing.
But I am not a blessing.
Woah.
Hear me out…..
As a “missionary” we go on and on about how we are going to “be Jesus” towards other people or “show them the face of Christ.”
And yes there is truth in that. But I believe there is also some pride.
I myself am not a blessing.
The moments in which two humans interact in order to meet each other’s needs is where the blessing exists.
The exchange I shared with this girl is where the heart of Christ lies.
I personally learned that I need to stop looking at people as though I can offer them more than they can offer me.
That kind of thinking is not present in the gospel…
As I walked away that day I felt like the farthest thing from a blessing. It turned out to be quite the opposite.
I believe we both blessed each other.
And THAT is where the face of Christ began to come into focus.
I myself am nothing abnormal or brilliant.
I am not above anyone else.
It is that moment, sitting on the floor with a girl who just wants someone to rub her back next to her pile of cool leaves, that has the power to transcend time. The power to show true love. It took both of us.
SO yea, these past 4 days have been crazy.
I only hope the lessons continue.
Thank you to all who are keeping up with my journey!
You are loved. Mean it.
