Hello my beautiful people,
This blog has been a long time coming, and I apologize for being so silent this past month.
To be honest, I have sat down probably 10 times attempting to write this month, but I have never been able to find the words.
Today I decided enough is enough. Even if I don’t have words I will try to spit them out as best possible.
If I am being vulnerable right now, I need to say that this past month in Honduras was extremely hard for me. I did not walk away with huge epiphanies or even drastic growth. My heart felt constantly jumbled as I attempted to sort out my thoughts and feelings.
Ministry was very enjoyable. We taught English in a few schools. Shoutout to my teacher frands – you guys rule! It’s not easy, but man is it fun. We also partnered with a church and put on a few events for the kids. A lot of my time was spent just playing with kids and being with people. This month I definitely learned a lot about letting my time be filled with loving others.
I learned that when the mundane of life becomes the mission field, where love of others is the mission, only then do we have the chance to truly come alive.
In Honduras I made a lot of dear friends, I hurt, and I cried. A LOT.
Looking back I believe there is a theme present.
It is SO HARD to believe fully in grace. This month I struggled to believe people still loved me even when I was a pain in the a$$. I struggled to believe Jesus still loves me even when I doubt Him.
I have been struggling to believe in forgiveness, and in turn I feel cloudy and distant from true love.
But you know what the funny thing is? Right before I sat down to write this, I found an awesome quote that gave me a good kick in the butt (we all need those sometimes, am I right?)
“The reason it is so easy to obtain salvation is because it cost God so much.”
It’s not about how I feel, or even if I can believe it every day. It’s true, no matter what.
He will always bleed forgiveness for all of us, no matter what we think or feel.
And to be truthful, I am relieved by that fact. It ain’t about me. It never was. It never will be.
For me, The World Race so far has been made up of moment after moment where I am baffled by grace.
Even though I am confused, and hurting, and maybe don’t believe it right now, I am overjoyed that the cross stands still when I waver.
I pray the same for you. That when the doubts sink in and the thoughts of your sinfulness overtake you, you can find your relief in the solid wood of the cross.
To close out, I have another quote that has hit me really hard (sorry not sorry, I love quotes a ton).
“It is finished. May those words land on your bones for the nights when fear tells you the cross was a beginning and you must finish grace.”
Love you all, mean it.
