Plane rides seem like the
time for some good ole bloggin. Thought I would fill you all in on life and lessons since coming home.
Life since being home has been full & messy & littered with moments of deep humility.
I have felt torn in many directions, needed by many people, maybe working too much, maybe not taking enough time to quiet my soul.
Also I took my dreads out.
Emotions have been heightened with change looming of the horizon of my 24th year of life.
Many days I resort to falling into my Fathers arms under the intensity of it all. I am fairly fragile. My heart is soft as all get out.
I put my dreads in a year and a half ago as a statement to myself. Doing something finally without caring what others thought.
Over the course of the past year I learned who my Father says I am.
& in the past week I felt Him tell me I needed to take out the dreads. I needed to strip away the comfort blanket of having something that set me apart from everyone the minute I entered a room. I needed to know I am set apart in His eyes.
I am still wild, untamable, & free at heart
No matter what hair I have. No matter what image I portray to the outside world.
It seems trivial and I know it is just hair- but for me they were a symbol of something much deeper.
And I’m learning these days that it isn’t between me & all of you anyways.
I don’t need to “prove” to any of you that I don’t care what you think. In striving to do that I am still attempting to make you see me a certain way. I would still be striving.
I love you guys, but living for all of you is so exhausting.
& living for Him is the only way I have ever felt the freedom to fully exhale.
As I move forward with this rentry business I know I am a little bit (or a lot a bit) all over the place. I don’t have every answer.
But I do know this:
It’s about me and Him.
It’s about ceasing to strive in every aspect of my being.
It’s about surrender every dang day until every part of me is His. Every freaking hair on my head (literally)
It’s listening to His voice. It’s about zeroing in on the one who knows where I ought to be and where I ought to go.
Every season of life I seem to think there are new ways to transition. I have this notion that God has all sorts of new lessons for me to learn.
But ya know what’s really ironic?
I feel like He has been teaching me the same lessons over and over every season I walk out of and every season I enter.
deep intimacy with the Him is the only way.
To survive the turmoil on the surface of the ocean you just gotta dive down in the quiet depths to find your place of peace.
Many have been asking what is next for me….
First. I’m going to continue diving down to the deep, maybe for some extended time, letting Him love on my soul for a while.
And then…..
Gainesville.
I’m moving to Georgia!!!! I have no idea what is there for me yet. Still don’t know what direction He wants me to go from there. But He said go. So I go.
I pray you all get some rest in your place of peace. I pray for discoveries of unchartered waters with places so rich and weighty you have yet to fathom them.
You are loved. Never forget it.
Life changes when you hear Him whisper His love upon your soul in those crazy deep places.
So go there, hear it, and then live like it.
Every dang day for the rest of your life.
LOVE YOU. Freaking mean it amigos.
