The majority of people who have done the WR view this journey as the pinnacle of their walk with The Lord, a literal Ebenezer resurrected to initiate the launch of the rest of their lives. For me however, this is not the case. The Lord gave me my Ebenezer during my time at Marshall University. I gave my heart to The Lord when I was 7 years old, but during my 3 and a half years of University is where my heart experienced for the first time a true affinity to study scripture. As I reminisce on this season of my life, my heart is filled with so much joy. In my heart, the Bible became so much more to me than just a book: it became my life force. It was my tool to grow in understanding and adoration of my Creator, my protection, my offensive weapon, and my sustenance, and I couldn’t help but share that with people around me. Instead of pursuing medical school, a relationship with the man of my dreams, or a career, The Lord fashioned my heart to live solely for the sake of the gospel. This is the time in my life where The Lord truly began breaking my heart for the nations. This is the season that led me to Africa, to the World Race, and what I believe now to be guiding me towards seminary in the fall. In this time, more than any other, I truly grasped that the perfect help of the Father alone had prepared me for the works he established for me before the foundation of the world.
With all of this in mind, I will admit that I have spent the vast majority of my Race frustrated. There have been various things that have contributed to that frustration, such as: lack of communication, poor health, shattered expectations, living conditions, etc. This last month, I found myself in Vietnam questioning why I am even still here. As my teammates were out building relationships with beautiful Vietnamese people, I was in bed either sleeping or wrestling with the Lord about why I hadn’t experienced healing yet. I mean come on, being confined to a hotel room dealing with sickness isn’t the blog my supporters want to read. In my head, I planned of telling tales of people coming to Christ, and extravagant works of the Lord, but instead I spent most of my month 10 simply interceding for my teammates, sending emails, and allowing my body to rest. I felt like nothing less than a disappointment to everyone in my life, but most importantly to the Lord. I felt as if he had no use left for me on this trip. I had lost sight of my first love and my primary reason for signing up for the World Race in the first place – I had lost sight of the transcendent power and truth of the gospel.
As our time in Vietnam came to a close, I realized that because of illness, that I had allowed these lies pertaining to my identity to have authority over my life. The real truth is that the Lord always has purpose for me, not because of who I am or what I bring to the table, but because my life was bought and purchased by Jesus Christ on the cross. At this point, I am still kind of sick and frustrated, but I am fighting hard to be here. I want nothing more right now than to be able to share the gospel with the people of Nepal, but at the same time I am trusting the Lord and his sovereign control over my health.
Health Update: I am currently in Kathmandu, Nepal with one of our squad leaders trying to rest and allow my body to heal. My team is 7 hours away teaching and doing evangelism in a village close to the Indian border. The living conditions are rough so for now it has been decided that I don’t make the trip just yet. If you have any questions, feel free to email me. Please keep the prayers coming.
