“I feel so empty…in my soul. I just want to die.”
Those were among the first words Bogdan said to us. We met him on our way out of the church building where we were sleeping. Steve, Hunter and I were on our way to the mall to meet Team No Greater Love to accompany them to an English service at Harvest Metanoia, another church in town. He was there on the steps and started speaking to us in Romanian. We thought we’d be on our way as we told him we only speak English.
To our surprise, he began sharing his story with us in broken English. His house burned down three years ago. He’s been living on the streets, attempting to sleep on trains just to keep warm but gets kicked off because he can’t afford a ticket. He lost his job due to alcohol and hasn’t had money to eat. He was in a coma for two weeks after a failed suicide attempt. He’d also spent time in a mental hospital, which made him feel normal with food to eat and a bed to sleep in. His mother and brother had both died. He was lonely and had no one who cared about him. He showed us the cuts on his arms and the scars on his leg. He showed us the one leu (~30 cents) in his pocket.
Bogdan said, “It’s not about the money…it’s about life. I feel so empty and I just want to die.”
That’s when we saw it. We saw the desperation. We saw what made him different than beggars we’d met. We couldn’t help them all, but we could help Bogdan. He realized it wasn’t about money or food or alcohol. He didn’t want those things. He wanted hope. He wanted something to live for. He came to church that day because the sign outside said “God loves you.” He wanted to know that love and what it was all about. He didn’t believe that God could love him. He said there was a distance between him and God. We told him God had such immense love for him and that He sent Jesus to the cross to close that distance. We prayed with him and he rushed off.
We continued walking to the mall, talked about the encounter and continued to pray. Bogdan caught up to us and shared a revelation he had as we prayed:
“There are men without arms and foots and still they want to live. I have a strong body, yet I no want to live??”
In that moment, I saw hope – hope that hadn’t been there before. We chatted a little longer then crossed the street to the mall and Bogdan continued on his way. I sat in church, half-listening to the sermon and half-journaling Bogdan’s story. I thanked the Lord for allowing me to be a vessel of His love, for giving me an uncommon perspective of this man, for allowing me to see his heart. I continued praying for blessings, a will to live, a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ to come into Bogdan’s heart.
The preacher had us turn to one another and say, “You are created in God’s image. He loves you and he died for you.” He said that sometimes we need to remind each other of that and asked us who we might share that with today. Bogdan immediately came to mind, then he came into the room.
Say what?!?!
This man, who we had met across town, had wandered into the very same church we were attending JUST in time for the presentation of the gospel. I prayed for God to move in his heart. I prayed for another chance to love him.
As worship closed out the service, I closed my eyes. When I opened them, Bogdan was gone. As soon as the service was over, Hunter and I went to find him. The service was massive and I didn’t know how we’d ever find him…but I literally walked right into him. We invited him to lunch. It took a little convincing, but he said yes.
We asked him what he thought of the message. He said it was great but he still didn’t know if it was for him. He wanted to believe, but couldn’t believe that the good news could be for people like him. He thought maybe it was just for “good people” like us. Hunter, Steve and I took turns sharing the lowest points of our lives – cutting, suicide attempts, crime and addiction. He started smiling…not at our hardships, but at the interconnectedness of our stories. He said that it didn’t seem like a coincidence for us to meet. We agreed and told him we felt like God orchestrated our meeting…TWICE. He laughed and it was music to my ears. In the midst of our conversation, a woman had come up asking for money. Bogdan took the one leu from his pocket and handed it over without thinking twice.
As we walked to lunch, he said he wouldn’t sit by us and that he felt ashamed that we would have to pay for him. He didn’t think our friends would want him there…but our friends were excited to him. The team’s contact spoke with Bogdan a bit in Romanian. He shared that when he walked into the church building, he felt stillness and calm in his spirit. He said he couldn’t remember the last time he felt that. We explained that he was experiencing the presence of the Lord among His people. At one point, I felt compelled to tell Bogdan that God wasn’t like his earthly father. He then shared that his earthly father had abused him and that they hadn’t spoken in years.
“No one loves me. I have no family, no friends, no one to care about me.”
“We love you, Bogdan. We want to be your friends. We aren’t here for long, but we will NOT forget you. We will keep praying for you.”
While we didn’t hear Bogdan proclaim the name of Jesus as Savior, we did see a heart change. We love that the Lord allowed us to partner with Him in planting a seed in Bogdan’s life. We’re trusting and believing that God will make it grow.
“Neither the one who plants the seed nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.”
1 Corinthians 3:7
What seeds do you need to plant or water this week? Who in your life needs to be reminded or told for the very first time that they are created in the image of a heavenly Father who LOVES them? Ask the Lord for an opportunity to share His love this week. He’s faithful to provide it.
