$11, 220 of $16, 250 (69%)
A couple years ago when I felt God pulling my heart towards ministry, I remember telling God that I could probably do any ministry accept special needs kids. I feel bad saying this, but I honestly couldn’t understand why God made them that way…to be totally honest (don’t judge me), but I really didn’t think they had a purpose. So obviously I could never do ministry with them cause God is restricted to only my strengths, right? Of course this would be our first month of ministry on the Race…
Soooo, let’s get vulnerable. Honestly, just straight up, when I first heard about Camp Hope I was feeling terrified, nervous, unsure…just unqualified. We found out a couple weeks before launch, so I said a quick prayer, “k, God, I guess you have two weeks to make me a perfect missionary…um, amen.” When we arrived in Ecuador a few days later, we had a tour of the ministry site. I thought this would maybe change any previous fears that I had. Like I would get there and God would just magically give me a heart for these people and this ministry. If anything I got there and was even more confused. I started questioning everything. Am I really supposed to be here? Am I even supposed to be on the World Race? Am I qualified to be a missionary? Am I even qualified to be a Christian? Maybe I’m one of those people that God can’t do anything with? Just being human, most people would look at those kids and only see their flaws, their restrictions, their disabilities (at least I know I did). Is it possible for God to say “whoops?” What about my flaws? Did He say “whoops” with me? SO many unknowns racing through my mind.
Every Tuesday through Friday morning, we arrive at Camp Hope around 9. We all then split off into our own rooms to assist the teachers. My room has about nine kids of various ages. They are all nonverbal (although some of them make several sounds to try and communicate), only a few can walk, most of them can’t feed themselves, some are deaf, some can’t see very well, and almost all of them need to have their diapers changed several times a day. All of the ones in my room are orphans.
So I arrived at Camp Hope the first day with only a Spanish 1 clearance and a heart no where near the size of Jesus’. We do similar things most days: change diapers, hand feed them, do sound stimulant exercises, and hand and feet textures. More than anything, I’ve noticed how much God gives grace in the moment. So many things that I know (this sounds bad) would’ve…disgusted me; Instead I noticed my heart softening with compassion and opening up (by God’s grace) and just doing what I could to take care of them.
A couple days of ministry in, the teacher in my room asked me to sit on the bed with one special girl. She sat on my lap. Her legs curl in, so I had to put mine on top of hers to keep them straight. And then she asked me to take her hands and rub them over different textures they had made. I remember the first day of ministry, one of the girls on our team prayed that we would see these kids the way God sees them: perfect. I don’t know what happened in this moment, but I felt my heart swell up inside me. Maybe it was just God’s heart getting bigger inside me. I couldn’t stop holding her and kissing her little head. I felt like I could feel a small fraction of God’s love for her and how perfect He sees her. No mistakes. No misplaced cells or chromosomes. He made her on purpose. And I couldn’t help but feel that God feels the same way about me. About all of us. Which is a hallelujah cause sometimes all I see are my flaws. I think she’s about nine years old, but she’s the size of a small child. Honestly, I think God just keeps His beloved ones small cause He sees how cute they are. I think He allows us to be weak so He can hold us more. (Don’t quote me on that, it might not be Biblically accurate).
Summing up this month of ministry is a lot to process. I learned so much from the workers at Camp Hope who love so well on these kids all the time. I learned so much from our various ministry hosts who loved so well on us. I learned so much from my team who’s shown me so much grace. I learned so much from God who allowed me to be His arms for this girl that day. And through this experience, feeling His arms around mine.
He has called me higher,
Jenn
