One of the coolest things that has happened on this race is watching how the Lord has changed the way I write. In Africa He started giving me a new way to write: spoken word. I’ve never written this kind of thing before, so it’s been fun to try it out. Here’s a piece from Africa that I performed in front of the squad in Kenya. I’m blessed to have a bunch of encouraging people around me who are so supportive in this. Enjoy!
There are things that I am tired of.
Myself most of all.
There is the me that I envision.
And the me that I am now.
And the two fight like sisters,
Or like my sisters and I anyway,
When trying to share the bathroom mirror.
There is only room for one reflection,
Both struggling for perfection.
And just when the face I want to see becomes clear.
That other girl shoves her way back in front of that mirror.
It’s going to break one of these days.
I know it.
It’s cracking,
And I’m starting to show it.
Which is scary as hell,
‘cause I know full well
The risk,
The risk it takes to be one’s self
To take your truth
Down of that shelf.
But before that,
To find it in the first place.
In fact, that might be even harder
To figure out, what is your true face?
It has the potential
To go so many ways.
Depending on the days.
And the things people say.
And it’s so easy to sway.
You know?
So easy to sway.
And not know which way to go.
I feel like this is becoming cliché.
Ooooo…I’m going to go find myself
Or whatever it is people say.
But I can’t help it.
‘cause I’m looking
To press restart.
Just right it on my heart
Already.
I’m all ready.
Those motivational sayings
That people put on the wall
Say it’s not about the destination.
I don’t know about that at all.
They say it’s about the journey.
But eventually I would like to arrive.
In one piece
And alive
With as few scars as possible.
Be there.
Be done.
Battle won.
Fully me.
I just want to be.
I just want to be
At peace
With who I am.
Whoever that is.
But…and here’s the thing.
If it really isn’t about the end,
If it’s not about the destination,
But what I learn from all the perspiration,
The stuff I get from the road,
Well then,
I’m thankful that I’m with the One who carries my load.
I’m thankful that when there’s confusion in my heart,
He’s a lamp in the dark.
My feet have a light
Even when I’m traveling in the darkness of night.
On this road to find myself
To figure out what that even means,
I’m with the One who’s leading me by quiet streams.
And who gently and slowly
Is restoring my soul
Making me whole,
Making me whole,
Whole, as in one.
Not fragments or pieces or split personalities
Or two sisters fighting in the bathroom mirror.
He’s here. Even though the end is not.
Even though the completion is not.
He’s not leaving me to rot.
We’re working on it together.
I may be searching for myself,
But He’s already found her,
Already surrounds her.
So it’s not so much a search,
Not like looking for something lost,
Or something that might not exist,
She’s just a ways off
Up ahead.
And we’re just on a walk
To meet her.
And in the meantime,
He’s leading me on paths of peace,
Letting me take breaks in green spaces,
With me even in scary places,
I don’t need to fear,
Because goodness and love are right here.
I’m trying to find myself,
Looking to press re-start.
Please God, give me patience,
As You write it on my heart.
