Its been a while since I’ve written a blog. I start a billion of them in my head or in my journal but pulling out my computer to actually write it is not what I like to do.
I never have the right words to express what God is doing.
This story though is a story God has been writing for a while. The enemy tried to keep from writing it because I was questioning if it was all true. He was testing my faith, but in your face Satan, I am writing this blog.
In high school I found out I had psoriasis. It wasn’t something that would take my life away from me, but it was a skin condition I was going to have to live with. I had huge red, dry skin patches all over my body. Some days it would be worse than others. I would have it on my face; some days I couldn’t wear earrings because it was so bad on my ears, my legs and arms were covered in patches. It ruined my confidence. As a teenager I couldn’t shave my legs without ruining my towel from the blood.
My body was an outside resemblance of what was going on in my heart.
Every year, every season the percentage of the patches increased. I learned to live with it and make jokes about it. My legs were covered with dry skin, and on the inside I was falling even more apart. I learned how to run from the inside issues just as fast as I learned how live with psoriasis.
Never once did I think to ask Him to heal me.
When I signed up for the race I spent countless hours reading blogs from racers on the field. I read stories about the healing they had seen happen, the freedom they found in Christ, the bondage they had broken through. Every blog I read made my heart pound, but that was all foreign in my mind. I am from a small town in the south. I never hear the stories I was reading about.
Training camp for the race is exhausting and life changing. You show up with oversized packs and a lot of expectations. Then you have amazing worship nights with over 100 other crazy on fire for God young adults and you start dropping those expectations of what this journey should look like. In that week God began MY healing story.
Our time came and in September my squad launched on this journey that has brought me here to month 11.
My first month on the race I was in Cape Town, South Africa, I spent every night praying to be broken, to see miracles happen, healing happen. There were days I was frustrated that he wasn’t answering my prayers, but I kept praying them. At the end of our time in South Africa we met back up as a squad to debrief our first month on the field.
He was answering my prayers for the month, his timing was just better than mine.
One night in worship my squad mates began standing up and releasing their daddy issues. They began speaking out lies they were hearing, and we began praying for God to heal hearts, mend relationships and to pour out a Heavenly Father’s love that would never leave us. I sat there on the floor crying. I had no clue why I was crying, remember I am a runner from my issues. There were things I needed to release to God but I was holding on to them and allowing them to define me.
So, I stood in front of my squad and revealed my orphan heart, and asked for prayers for healing of my psoriasis. From then on out every time we were together my squad laid hands all over my body and prayed for God to heal me. He used several people to tell me He was more interested in healing my heart than my body, but once He had healed my heart he would heal my body.
Alright, God I am ready and willing…
Fast forward to month 4….. San Mateo, Philippines
I woke up one of my first mornings there and I felt so different. During my time in Africa I had spent a lot of time praying for my heart and the ways I wanted God to heal me. He had already begun healing my orphan heart and I not only felt like a daughter of the King, but truly felt apart of an earthly family. I prayed for certain relationships and I was starting to see restoration, but I knew deep down there were 2 people I was holding back forgiveness from. I had hurt a lot of people in my past, I had hurt myself, but I had also been hurt and I was allowing myself to be trapped in that. I hadn’t forgiven myself for the mistakes I had made and I hadn’t forgiven Ms Kelly for the way our relationship had went. On that morning in the Philippines though, I woke up and I felt so much lighter.
Not only had my prayers to forgive myself been answered, I was flooded with an overwhelming love for Ms Kelly again. I sat in my hammock and prayed long prayers to God, I kept asking him how I was supposed to mend this relationship. I asked God to make it clear to me if I was supposed to reach out to her or if she was supposed to reach out to me, I prayed he made it clear to her. After that I left it up to God and finished the month feeling so much closer to God because my heart was slowly being healed.
A week into my time into Malaysia I received an email from Ms Kelly. God is seriously so good. I ran into the main room and told my friend Ari about the email. Each month we communicated a little more and I felt complete freedom in my relationship with her.
Its Month 11, I am sitting here at a table in Puerto Rico drinking my coffee, I shaved my legs two days and ago and not even a spot of blood was on my towel. I talk to Ms Kelly often; I am sure of the fact that I am not only the daughter of the King, but I am the daughter of Steph and Chad Everett; I talk to my father at least once a week and I devote a lot of prayers to him; I can honestly say I love him; I am confident in my walk with Christ, and I know look at my past not with guilt but with joy in how far God has brought me and all the ways he has revealed himself to me in my past.
I guess through all of this what I am trying to say is, I HAVE BEEN HEALED FROM THE INSIDE OUT! I am no longer walking around in bondage, I have broke off all those chains, my body is no longer covered in Psoriasis, I have normal legs and arms and I can wear earrings everyday if I want because they are no longer sensitive.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy,
Psalm 103:1-4 (ESV)
