While in Nepal God led me to do my first fast ever. I would have thought that this would be something like a 3 day liquid fast or something to do with giving up meals throughout the day; the typical fasts you usually hear about. No… this was not what God had in store for me. I fasted communication with my boyfriend, Phil.
I knew at the time that it was necessary for me. It all started in India. During my month there my boyfriend decided to get a tattoo. Internally I began to freak out. "He's going to be different when I get home." For some reason on the race you just assume that life stops back home once you leave, but in all reality it doesn't and people are changing just as much as you are. It was the first time I realized that he wasn't going to be the same, not even physically, when I returned. I began loosing focus on what was in front of me and wasn't investing myself fully into the race. I assumed that this would happen sometime over the course of this year, but I definitely was not expecting it to happen when it did. During this time one of my teammates gave me a prophecy that said,
"Stay Present! Things at home are distracting and hard to separate from, but you are called to be here. Keep listening for what God has for you in the current season He has you in. Your mind is here. Your mind is His."
The more I prayed about this prophecy the more I felt called to act. I had to put a pause on communication for a little while. I was getting distracted and I knew that God had more He wanted to show me, but I had no idea what that was.
Three days into my fast God began to reveal BIG things to me. He gave me this.
"The image of a ship; a mighty ship. Unstoppable, powerful, glorious. Jesus is the captain. He commands my destiny. The ship is the life I call mine. The life I’m living. I am the first mate. The captain gives me orders and I obey. The crew is the people I surround myself with. My community. The church. When I obey my captain it affects my entire crew. Obedience. There is power in obedience. There is power in my captain’s name. When I marry and am wed my position as first mate will change. Demotion to second mate for me to summit to my husband; my partner, my first mate. I will still obey my captain; always and forever I am faithful to Him, but I will put my trust and my servitude into my husband. We shall work as individuals, but equally as a team. We will both rely on our captain for commands and we will both obey as one. We will forgive and extend grace to each other when mistakes are made; respecting each other without question. We shall be an example to our crew and lead them to obedience with our captain. We shall sail together, following our captain’s plans and paths, which are for good. Plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11) Our final destination: His will for us, for my first mate, for me."
This is what went through my head…
"WHAT?!?!? Is this really what you want to teach me, cause I'm not so sure about this. I mean, I'm the girl who really dislikes when at weddings they read Ephesians 5: 20-33. "Wives, submit to your husbands…" Why? I'm an independent woman. Why should I have to submit to any man in my life? Demotion? Submission? I don't know if I agree with this."
God began to change my heart.
I started looking at pictures of Phil and I and realized that I wear the pants in our relationship. I don't allow him to lead me and be the strong man that God has called him to be. This does not mean that I can't be strong, bold, independent, and all the things that a woman is. It simply means that I trust Phil. I trust God in him. I trust him to be the head of the household… not me.
As much as I was unsure about this teaching God is allowing me to trust Him in leading me through it. I am not in control, He is. I am submitting myself to His way, not mine. Ultimately, Jesus is my captain and He is changing my heart to allow my relationship with Phil to prosper. This is just the first step.
